Questions for the wise old owl

Kring kring ......

.

`Hello'

And it's your best friend at the other end of the line `Hi, it's me, can I talk to you?'

`Yeah sure, what's up?'

`What do you think if I say I want a divorce?'
(And I'm thinking if you are asking me this question, you DON"T want a divorce! You just think you do)

OMG! Another one million dollar question! (Nowadays it could actually be worth more than this cos a divorce would ultimately require splitting up the couple's marital assets which could easily run into millions given the price of real estate in KL these days)

So as a friend what kind of advise do you give?

My answer was ` Are you free right now? Let's have lunch at so-so..'

Hmmmm....



Barbara Streisand sang in Women in Love:

The road is narrow and long
When eyes meet eyes
and the feeling is strong

How true it is...The myth of living happily ever after, soon after being swept off your feet by Prince Charming is now just that....a myth. On the other hand, the dream of snaring the sweet, submissive, compliant and ever obliging Princess quickly evaporates into thin air.


Good and long lasting marriages were not made like that. These require a lot of sacrifices, a lot of love and plenty of hard work, lots of laughter and shared tears to grow strong and solid. Much like a tree, the annual rings acquired through beautiful weather, drought and stormy rains make the wood beautiful and priceless...you can't get it any other way, just the hard way.

(The cross section of a tree...beautiful isn't it? But the tree has gone through so much character building)

Some see and count sacrifices only in material form. Most men think, working their fingers to the bone providing comfort to the family as the ultimate sacrifice. What precious little time left is heavily invested on their teh tarik buddies, their futsal sessions and their fishing or golfing trips. In fact nowadays, these are actually considered healthy social activities. Better than frequenting clubs and massage parlours, some might even volunteer.


Whereas women, with or without careers, are expected to be the nurturer, the family caretaker, the cook, the mother and provide laundry services to boot. And God forbid if she asks too many questions (5 at a time is considered max!) or if she's no good in bed cos she's just too tired running around making sure all i's are dotted and all t's crossed. Mum, wife ; omnipresent. (Yes, until she drops dead, that is)

This lopsided arrangement will ultimately bring the couple to the forked road. So where do you go from there?

When confronted with the same question again after lunch, I told my friend, ` I am not in a position to offer a solution to your problem. In a marriage, however much you consult with others, the only two opinions that matter is the both of yours'. All I can do is offer a different perspective to what you see as the root cause of the problem.'

Some basic rules:

1) When you are wronged by the other party, drop the holier than thou attitude. If it happened to him/her, it can happen to you too. The other party is just unlucky.

2) When there is any doubt, give the partner the benefit.

3) Do not look a gift horse in its mouth

(MY! this horse needs a dentist desperately)

4) If you ask too many questions, be prepared to be taken for the ride of your life.

5) Hope for the best, but prepare for the worst.

6) Cliche' as it may sound, be prepared to forgive (though you may never forget)

(Now, what did they say? oh yes, broken pieces never make a whole)

7) No matter how strongly convicted you are, never decide in the heat of the moment. Give yourself the time and space, you owe it to yourself.

The wise old owl rests her case. Anymore simple rules to mend a broken heart?