Wednesday, July 23, 2008

about winning battles but losing the war

Recently, i try to reach out to kak chik who is despondent after her husband ordered her prized plant trimmed down mercilessly. What? Yeah! exactly my feeling when i was told of the reason for her lethargic and absolutely-no-mood demeanour.

She has been bragging about the `ganda rusa' in her blog. It grew lush and healthy at the foot of her stone seat in the garden. The last time, I remember making a remark that she ought to get it trimmed down cos some creepy crawlie could raise a family there without being detected. She kind of agreed, albeit reluctantly, cos it seemed that that was about the only plant she grew better than i did. I know she meant to trim it down but had never expected that it was to be so severely ravaged. A similar comparison would be like giving the lion king a crew cut!

Still, sis...a plant would grow back...perhaps even more lush than you remember. As with all things in life, new life is breathed into when the old parts are done away with. And i pointed out to her that if she were to look closely, she would see that new shoots are already sprouting, promising a rebirth of the ganda rusa she loved so much.

But what might not heal, is all the hurtful things we say and do when we are angry. All she wants was an apology from the better half, which as we all know, is like waiting for the fruit that will never drop (A literal translation of a Malay proverb~menunggu buah yang tak gugur) I am afraid that the damage would have been done in their relationship by the time all the anger and disappointment seeped away.

Is it worth getting the apology but losing the relationship? The only way the heart heals is when it learns to forgive.