gullible gumption

Love, Life and death

2011-02-05T23:20:00.003+08:00

Five days ago, I was saddened by the news of the sudden demise of the wife of a friend.

He was a client of mine when I was working in a bank during the last millenium. Through the years we developed quite a rapport and got to know bits and pieces about each other's personal lives. However the `relationship' (if you may call it that) went into hiatus when I left my employment.

I was delighted to receive an invitation from both him and the wife a couple of years back. Being stranded in an unexpected traffic jam, I was about a half hour late for the appointment and the tea which was prepared for me had gone cold together with the kuih. But the reception I got from the couple was much much warmer than the tea. What surprised me though was the fact that it was not the wife I knew from before. For you late bloomers, in simple words, he had taken a new wife!

Later I got to know that he had married her when her husband passed away, leaving her with 4 young kids.Unable to accept being `honeyed', the first wife with whom he has 3 children , filed and obtained a divorce. During the time we did not keep in touch, he and the new wife had 3 children together.

Now, that makes it 10 children between them, some of whom are his, the rest are hers and theirs. There was a family potrait of them with their ten children, which drew a remark from me, ~Mesti meriah kat rumah ni!' Their joint reply was, `Ya , kalau depa semua ada memang meriah'. As it was, only the younger 4 children were with them as all the rest were either in Jordan, Syria or Egypt studying. Imagine having six children studying the Quran, Usuluddin and Syariah! I said a silent prayer for all of them.

News of her sudden death of a stroke at the age of 41 left me sad. Knowing full well that we belong to God the sadness was not due to her untimely passing but for the 4 children she had with her previous husband.

As I look at my nieces and nephews who came to stay during the CNY break, I can only imagine the helplessness the children may feel.

For his children, they may have lost their mother during the divorce, but she is still around to share their ups and downs. For their children, they still have their father although they have lost their mother. But for her children, they have lost their father early on, experienced their mother re-marrying another, and now losing her and leaving them to stay with their step father.

I pray to GOD that my friend will be blessed with the courage to bring up the children with hikmah and that GOD will pave a way for him to carry such a big burden.

I am reminded of God's words, that we are tried only to the extent of our ability to handle the problems and pray that God will help him along the way.

Garden scenes

2011-02-02T02:26:00.008+08:00

The garden needs some tidying up

Periwinkles growing wild

In Nature red and green go so well together

Balung ayam-love the colour

Beautiful butterfly shaped

Silver and mauve

Beautiful yellow cattleya, almost 9 inches across in full bloom

MOK-MOK & TAMTIH-yet untamed

Jejari hantu

From Bandung to Surabaya and Lawang/ Malang part 1

2011-02-02T00:01:00.013+08:00

I agreed to accompany him. Though he has been there many times, this trip was different cos he wasn't feeling well.

A few days before the trip, his Cardiologist had seen fit to order a multilayer CT scan of his heart. The result was known upon our return...a 90% block in one the vessel. Subhanallah...had I known...

Whatever, we made the trip and Alhamdulillah we returned safely.

We arrived at Husein Sastranegara greeted by a light drizzle that morning. My second time there, but the first was just a hazy memory from all the shopping done. A cup of cappucino (what else? I had to have my morning fix lest I stop functioning) and a long glass of jus tomat (tomato juice) for him set us back only IDR40,000 (RM14)

(Bandara is short for Bandar Udara or airport-the Indonesians are fond of joining words and abbreviating them)

Plants in the vicinity of the airport

Cappucino for her and a long glass of tomato juice for him

I promised myself, this time I will take a closer look at the people. And I did! They love their whistle! Whistles being blown right, left and centre by security guards (locally known as satpam) directing traffic at the airport vicinity. The drizzle which greeted us was to be seen throughout the 8 days and over 900 km journey between the West Java and East Java. The `funny weather' was directly linked to the active volcanic movement they have been experiencing.

In Bandung we stayed at Arion Swiss-Bel...nice place and very close to the train station and Pasar Baru Trade centre. Buy your hotel discount vouchers at agents located at the airport. We managed to get a hefty discount off the rack rates. After a little shopping, we walked through the streets and enjoyed the cool night air and popped in and out of a few factory outlets. The foreign exchange was in our favor, but shopping was not our main intention, rather we were scouting for different experience from run of the mill tourist.

(Waiting to be checked in)

(Fancy a room for 1.2Million albeit rupiah, anyone?)

So we found out...a full set of dentures was available at a Tukang Gigi for IDR100,000 ie equivalent to about RM30-00, a 2 month old super red Arowana for IDR3juta (equivalent to RM1,000), a full meal for two at a decent restaurant consisting of Onchom (a kind of bean) pepes, ulam, sambal, ayam bakar, and heavenly apokat (local lingo for avocado) drinks with chocolate swirls in it for only IDR 52,000 (RM14) (My SIL's bibik made us promised to try the onchom pepes....enak buk, katanya... and it was) He bought me an Indonesian prepaid SIM card for IDR25,000 and i used it to make daily calls to my anakanda in Penang throughout our stay (Murah! A two min call would only cost about 2,000 rupiah!) Short sleeved cotton batik shirts costs IDR30,000 (RM10). Many food outlets sell Bebek and this is not to be mistaken for Kambing (which makes similar sound) cos it is duck meat. We bought a pot of boiled kacang pol (Fava beans XL in size) for IDR15,000

(First night dinner and shopping spoils)

The hotel room comes with 2 buffet breakfast. We were up at 4am plus cos that is about time for Subuh. By 7am, the day is already bright but it is still very early to an average Indonesian. Since Bandung is the 3rd largest city, traffic snarls or macets (pronounced machet as in chettiar) are the order of the day. Infact macet is omnipresent everywhere we went without exception. By 7am Malaysian time, our stomaches growling, we were only the second at the breakfast room. A hefty meal with fruit juices starters, fresh fruits, cereals, toast with butter and jam, half boiled eggs, Soto, cold cuts, rice with vege and black peppered beef stew and free flow of coffee/ tea. A leisurely breakfast fit for a king.

(Breakfast on the terrace)

(Later, the macet of Bandung, Angkotan Kota prevails!)

After breakfast we took a beca (trishaw) ride to the nearby train station (just for the experience cos it has been so long since we were ferried in one), made our travel arrangements for the evening and then took an Angkutan Kota (similar to our bas mini) ride to Pasar Baru. At the entrance, he received a call from a friend he was supposed to meet, who was waiting at the hotel and had to leave me there on my own. Although in the beginning I was apprehensive, the minute I laid my eyes on the beautiful cotton textile on the 5th floor of Pasar Baru, I was happy to be left to my own devices. Thanks to Johnny and Molly (formerly from JB, now married to Johnny and thus an Indonesian) I indulged in cotton from Japan, Australia, Egypt and was lost.

The many cotton material I bought would be enough to set up a small textile retail here so I opt to not share the pic here cos it would take up the whole page, hehehe....

Am I too sentimental?

2011-01-11T12:23:00.009+08:00

AM I TOO SENTIMENTAL..............

JUST BECAUSE I WEEP AT SILLY HINDUSTANI TEAR JERKERS?

JUST BECAUSE I STILL CRY BUCKETS AT BRUCE'S GRAVE IN THE GARDEN?

JUST BECAUSE I STILL KEEP THE FIRST LOVE NOTE FROM HIM?

JUST BECAUSE SOME SONGS BRING A LUMP TO MY THROAT?

JUST BECAUSE I HESITATE FROM PRUNING THE PERIWINKLES THAT GREW FROM TWIGS I BROUGHT BACK FROM SOMEWHERE SPECIAL, THO' NOW IT HAS GROWN WILD IN MY GARDEN?

JUST BECAUSE I REMEMBER THAT IT WAS MY SHORT HAIR THAT MADE HIM WONDER ~NOW, WHO IS THAT GIRL?

JUST BECAUSE I STILL TALK TO MY CATS AS IF THEY UNDERSTAND ME?

JUST BECAUSE I WORRY FOR HIM WHEN HE DOESN'T CALL?

JUST BECAUSE I AM NOT AFRAID TO SHOW I CARE?

I think not...I am just being human.

Nasihat kepada a 14 year old who thinks she is in love

2010-11-29T01:03:00.002+08:00

Ini sebagai pengajaran...jangan kita ingat apa yang kita buat tak ada kesan. Setiap perbuatan ada `repercussion'.

Kita ingin menduniakan jurnal kita, tapi hati kita tak cukup kuat untuk menerima pandangan/ kritikan orang terhadap apa yang kita tulis, malah pandangan orang terhadap kita sebagai seorang insan yang baru nak bertatih dalam kehidupan.

Fifi Ain bt J...masanya dah tiba untuk Fifi Ain lupakan alam fantasi dan kembali ke realiti. Fifi Ain anak yatim yang perlu berusaha untuk memantapkan diri, berusaha untuk melonjakkan keluarga KEDUA Allahyarham J B ke tahap yang lebih baik (sekurang2nya sebaik keluarga PERTAMA Allahyarham)...bukan sekadar anak yatim yang kekurangan perhatian dan material, tinggal bersama ibu yang mengusahakan sebuah warung. Bukan sekadar anak dara yang akan menambah statistik anak muda kawin bawah umur di negeri Perlis.

Sekian...Ini nasihat terakhir dari Maknjang, biar Fifi Ain rasa cara ini kejam, ini semua untuk menyedarkan Fifi Ain bahawa semua orang ingin melihat Fifi Ain menjadi orang yang berjaya di dunia dan akhirat serta insan beradab mulia seperti mana Aruah Abah Fifi Ain mahu.

Cinta boleh tunggu...takut cinta yang kita agung2kan tu menyebabkan kita menjadi monyet cinta.

Sabarlah...dewasa dan tua akan datang tanpa digamit. Sabar dan nikmatilah hidup sebagai anak yang taat, pelajar yang pintar dan berjaya, kemudiannya sebagai dewasa yang dihormati. Nanti, jika ada jodoh dan si Akim masih cintakan Fifi Ain, kawin lah. Siapa pun takkan mengahalang, tapi masanya bukan sekarang. Dan jika dia jujur dan ikhlas dengan Fifi Ain dia akan sedar bahawa budak 14 tahun tak tahu dan paham apa erti cinta.

Ingat, dunia ini kecil dan bertambah kecil dengan setiap kesalahan dan kesilapan yang kita lakukan.

2010 November 28 08:17

Phobia

2010-09-27T03:00:00.002+08:00

It's been so long!!!

I've always enjoyed `putting pen to paper' . So it is kind of weird why I let it go for so long.

Sometimes the thoughts that flow like a raging river in my mind does not allow me to calmly and sanely express myself.

When I feel like I am obliged to do anything, I shy away or rather go across the grain...becoming unexpected and unpredictable, out of choice rather than being forced into any uncomfortable position. Sometimes hating myself in the process because I yearn for the human touch at the same time.

Am I making sense with all this gibberish talk, or does anyone think that coming of age at 49 is just way too late?

Questions, questions and more questions...will we ever find answers to our questions?

Boleh percaya ke?

2010-04-07T02:10:00.002+08:00

I took this quiz and this is what I got:

What's your Native American Indian name? - Strong Heart

Result: Strong Heart

You have been through many storms which made you very compassionate and wise. You love to take care of others, family and friends come first.

Hmmm...Strong Heart gets tired too...

Am I?

2010-04-05T00:45:00.003+08:00

I try to write but the right words keep evading me.

Why is it that when there is like a lump in your throat, no matter how hard you try to swallow, even peristalsis won't carry it down? And why does lumps in your throat defy gravity? Why does it stay put and choke? Cos' I really need to move on...

Some things , some events stay with you your whole lifelong I guess.

Am I just being cynical, cos I'm still alive and GOD willing, have some more good productive years ahead, how am I to know this statement for a fact?

I'm not dead yet, am I?

Forgive~ it's easier than trying to forget

2010-03-08T17:37:00.004+08:00

(pic courtesy of Photobucket)

" Have I ever told you that I love you?"

"No."

"I do."

"Still?"

"Always."

I think about the mistake we made. I was thinking that I could forget what we did. I thought we were invincible. But now I know that the things that people in love do to each other they will always remember. And if they stay together, it’s not because they forget, but because they forgive.

" Have I ever told you that I love you?"

"No."

"I do."

"Still?"

"Always."

To a flower

2010-03-06T09:02:00.004+08:00

Pic taken during our Taiping road trip

A phrase remembered from a long time ago.

~To a flower, teach me the secret of thy loveliness, that being made wise, I may aspire to be as beautiful in thought, word and deed, and so express immortal truths in earth's mortality...'

Lesson learnt~ life is shorter than you think

2010-03-05T02:42:00.002+08:00

We had a scare, in fact it was so scary that it's 2.43am where I am, and I couldn't sleep a wink.

BB had passed out while driving his car near his kebun 2 days ago. When he came around, he got out of the car to inspect the damage cos he was sure he had hit something. True enough, he had hit some structural root, burst a tyre and damaged some under belly car mechanism.

He was so disoriented that he fell on his back, couldn't move and couldn't utter a single word.

His kebun hands, a few young guys, didn't know what to do and thankfully they called an ambulance and he was brought to the nearest hospital where it was determined that for some reason or other his blood sugar reading was 26, his pulse 109, his BP 129/57. It was quite clear that he had suffered some kind of mild MI (myocardial Infarction). In English~ a heart attack!

I don't know what he told the medical personnel there but he was released into the custody of a friend he had called earlier instead of me, not wanting to scare me.

I was not able to fully grasp the gravity of the situation as he did not say much about what happened.

Morning after, I saw how listless and tired he was although he had a fitful sleep the night before. I had to act fast and I managed to round him up to the GH nearby. At the AE, after describing what happened to him the day before, his case was coded RED and he was rushed through a series of tests and ECG and was promptly warded at the CRW ~ Cardio Rehab Ward.

After some further testing he was diagnosed to have suffered NSTEMI -Non ST Segment Myocardial Infarction , a kind of heart attack which occurs when one or more coronary arteries is partially occluded by a blood clot.

Still, I was able to accept the situation, made all the arrangements and got him comfortable at the ward. I had a good night sleep despite everything that happened as my body was just too tired running around the GH earlier.

But tonight, while visiting him, I heard that a patient in the ward was fighting for his life since 6pm. At 10 pm we heard sobbings and a voice frantically calling for her loved one. I assisted BB off his bed and went towards the voice.

She was a young woman in her very early twenties and she was sobbing her heart out. Her husband had just lost his fight and left her widowed. He was just 25....and they have a young boy of 3 whom the husband told her he missed so much.

All I could do was hold her hands and told her that it is GOD's will and for her to redho' with the situation. All the while I told myself that I was lucky that it was somebody else and not me.

Then it dawned on me, that it was not me, simply because it isn't BB's time yet. It had nothing to do with luck. Someday, somehow his time will come and if I am still around, I would be feeling the same overwhelming sense of loss this young lady was going through. At that time, I am sure there's nothing she cannot forgive him for, if only her forgiveness could bring him back to life. No matter how ill he had been, at least she had him while he was still alive.

I kissed BB's hand and cheek, told him to take care and that I will be back early tomorrow morning with his coffee. I vowed to live our lives in the future with that much more respect for the sanctity and fragility that was life.

His name was Muhammad Shahril and please give a prayer to his soul who is meeting his Maker on a FRIDAY...al Fatihah

'Death will not come ahead and it will not be delayed.'

3.54am

Hauntingly beautiful

2010-03-04T01:19:00.001+08:00

Di kala senja sunyi
Terdengar suara
Seruling nak gembala
Bertiup melagu

Tepi danau menghijau
Air membentang tenang

Hilang hati nan risau
Bersama angin petang...

Kini malam menjelang
Suara seruling hilang...

A nice song for some cheek-to-cheek slow dance:

The song was written by an Indonesian, sung by a Malaysian, video scene of early autumn by the river Aare. Switzerland.

See? Our differences can be a thing of beauty!

Smart guy!

2010-03-01T11:12:00.004+08:00

Does he look smart to you?

Well...I would say kinda smart looking for an elderly gentleman...but he sure is one smart guy...read why I think so...

He said:

As I grow in age, I value women over 40 most of all. Here are just a few reasons why:

A woman over 40 will never wake you in the middle of the night and ask, 'What are you thinking?' She doesn't care what you think.

If a woman over 40 doesn't want to watch the game, she doesn't sit around whining about it. She does something she wants to do, and it's usually more interesting.

Women over 40 are dignified. They seldom have a screaming match with you at the opera or in the middle of an expensive restaurant. Of course, if you deserve it, they won't hesitate to shoot you if they think they can get away with it.

Older women are generous with praise, often undeserved. They know what it's like to be unappreciated.

Women get psychic as they age. You never have to confess your sins to a woman over 40.

Once you get past a wrinkle or two, a woman over 40 is far sexier than her younger counterpart.

Older women are forthright and honest. They'll tell you right off you are a jerk if you are acting like one. You don't ever have to wonder where you stand with her.

Yes, we praise women over 40 for a multitude of reasons. Unfortunately, it's not reciprocal.
For every stunning, smart, well-coiffed, hot woman over 40, there is a bald, paunchy relic in yellow pants making a fool of himself with some 22-year old waitress. Ladies, I apologize.

For all those men who say, 'Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?', here's an update for you. Nowadays 80% of women are against marriage. Why? Because women realize it's not worth buying an entire pig just to get a little sausage!

Andy Rooney is a really smart guy!

* Andy Rooney is 60 Minutes Correspondent (CBS)

DEDICATED TO ALL THE STUNNING SMART AND WELL COIFFED (UNDER OUR TUDUNG) HOT WOMAN OVER 40 WHO READ THIS AND ALL THE BALD PAUNCHY RELICS WITH NOTHING MORE THAN A SAUSAGE TO OFFER!

I feel GOOOOD!

February past

2010-02-28T23:09:00.008+08:00

February is at it's tail end and this seems to be the only entry I managed for the whole month.

Time is so precious and time just seemed to have flown by me the whole month.

What do I remember this month by? I can think of about 3 meaningful events:

1) 12 Rabi`ul Awal~ The birth and death of Prophet Muhammad s.a.w

The noble soul sent as Rahmatan lil `alamin whose birthday was celebrated on the last Friday of the month. This year the celebration held so much meaning after a long while of trying to find meaning to a lot of things in my life. The Selawat we performed among the jemaah at PAKSI would hopefully gather us as His ahli syufa`ah, InsyaALLAH!

2) The meeting with Naz on her last few and precious days left in Malaysia before flying back to cold, cold Norway.

Thanks for having us Naz, and that's what you get when you haven't seen each other for ages...so much to catch up on...wish we went to see you earlier.
Though I haven't set foot on Norwegian soil, glad that my chocolates have found it's way there! We're still experiencing heat wave here and wouldn't it be just nice if you could send some snow here to bring equilibrium to the weather equation!

Salam to Trond and the kids!

3) My chocolate project which is slowly taking off with some CNY sale. So happened CNY fell on Valentine's day, which is celebrated by some, myself excluded.

A funny incident here: A friend of a friend bought herself a 15 piece box which was beautifully tied with a giant satin ribbon.

Reason: To extract some reaction from her seemingly uninitiated spouse, thinking that even if it didn't get her his attention, she would still get to enjoy the chocolates. Sounds logical isn't it? Nothing to lose and something to gain. Any smart investor would know when to bet all your chips!

Well , it did ~ cos he did give her an ~UMMM...?" when she replied she didn't know who it was from.

The thing is ...her kids didn't want her to eat the chocolates, screaming that since she didn't know who it was from, the chocolates could be charmed and she might forget all 3 of them!

Finally, she had to come clean and tell them actually she bought the box for herself!

Hmm...so much for trying to awaken the sleeping passion!

(The 48 pieces for a friend's engagement party)

I leave you with this beautiful song

Untuk semua yang merindu dan di rindu/ bilik air penuh!

2010-01-30T01:00:00.005+08:00

Senja...berulang rindu
dan ku sebut namamu
dalam suara yang bisu
engkau kah itu?

Dan ku ulang kembali
sewaktu dalam sunyi
nyanyian kata hati
rindu kah itu?

Biarkan kemesraan berlalu
bersama kesunyian yang padu
akan ku sebut nama mu selalu
namun ada rindu yang lebih dari itu

Kasih...di mana janji
dan kau terus kah lari?
dari ku yang menanti
engkau kah itu?

Suddenly I remembered this song and the singer.

The year was 1979 and the place was the lecture hall 1 at then IPT ( Institut Pengajian Tinggi) where we Asasians were having our lectures while some other lecture hall were occupied by the Law Faculty. After so many years, the building now houses the Faculty of Business and Accountancy.

(It was a big hall and we almost fill up the hall even then)

While waiting for the next lecture to begin, Kelly (f) and I made a trip to the rest room. The corridor was quite narrow and it was a tight squeeze to pass by the undergraduates all waiting to enter the lecture halls. Finally we made it and did what we went to do.

Suddenly the door flung open and a male student entered the female rest room. Our initial reaction of irritation made way for gigglish recognition when we realised who the `bugger' was...none other than the singer himself!

.

(Male, female or alien?)

`Ye,betul lah tu, saya Sudir, sorrylah dik, tak tahan dah, bilik air lelaki penuh!' accompanied by the naughtiest of chuckle.

Although at that time he was already doing nationwide tours, we quickly made our exit for fear of getting a free show!

Well...he did show signs of bursting his seams!

(Al Fatihah)

Friday thoughts

2010-01-29T18:59:00.003+08:00

Watch your thoughts ; they become words.

Watch your words ; they become actions.

Watch your actions ; they become habits.

Watch your habits; they become character .

Watch your character; it becomes your destiny .

My friend Lee

2010-01-28T10:52:00.005+08:00

Commenting on my last post, Lee (Jurassic Lee) wrote we...

QUOTE: sometimes have to take things and life with a pinch of salt and maybe add sprinkling of lemon grass .... UNQUOTE

Just taking Lee's advise to take life non too seriously...

(From the same source).......

Title:	Man posing in front of St. Andrew's Cathedral : front view
Subject:	Architecture and Landscape>>Building Types>>Religious Buildings Ethnic Communities Cathedrals--Singapore--Photographs Men--Singapore--Photographs Chinese--Clothing--Photographs Arts>>Architecture>>Religious buildings People and communities
Digital Publisher:	National Library Board Singapore, [194-?]
Description:	This photograph shows a Chinese man dressed in a long-sleeved jacket and long white pants standing in front of St. Andrew's Cathedral.

All Rights Reserved. National Library Board Singapore 2008.

Haiya! Lee ah!....I'm sure you don't look like this ma? Surely more handsome and probably shod in no less than a pair of Bruno Magli's

Hahaha...I had a good laugh, maybe there was just too much salt and lemon grass making my head spin...

Lee,

Barefoot or not, clothed or loin-clothed, dark-skinned or fair, we are all human.
(No offense intended , just tickling your funny bone, hope you are laughing too.)

Some cheeky neighbor!

2010-01-25T11:08:00.010+08:00

Being next door neighbors, we practically enjoy the same food, breathe the same air, smell the same sea breeze. Like it or not, proximity wise, you cannot help but see some going-on in your neighbor's house and vice -versa. Would it it be taking it too far if I say, next door neighbors would be able to recognise each other across a darkened room? Well, you probably would be able to (recognise each other) if you have been neighbors your whole life long.

Do our neighbors really think this is how we look like?

This text accompanied the photo:

Title:	[A Malay man in traditional clothing : single]
Subject:	Ethnic Communities Malays--Malaysia--Malaya--Photographs Malays (Asian people)--Singapore--Photographs Malays--Clothing--Photographs People and communities>>Social groups and communities
Digital Publisher:	National Library Board Singapore, [19--?]
Description:	This photonegative shows a Malay man, bare-bodied and barefoot, standing with his right arm akimbo and his left resting on the trunk of a palm tree. He wears a headcloth and a white cloth with its two ends dangling down in the front and rear of the lower part of his body. Title devised by Library staff.

All Rights Reserved. National Library Board Singapore 2008.

Dear neighbors,

Stop being cheeky and update yourself. The Malays , in your country or here, have not looked like that for many, many, many years. In fact that photo was that of an Orang Asli (no offence intended) also many, many, years ago.
The only reference to time is at the Digital Publisher (19--)

Be kind and neighborly, isn't that how you want us to be?

Can't we be friends?

Tengku Shuib and his successors!

2010-01-24T17:02:00.009+08:00

He looked resplendent in his ivory Baju Melayu, complete with black kain sampin songket with gold threaded motif. As he caught my eyes from across the room, there was a twinkle in his eyes and he gave me a meaningful wink. Yes, that was the day, we were to be united as man and wife, and the wink was a signal of a secret and hope we both shared for our life ahead.

As he lowered himself onto the tikar sila, he looked so handsome I had to pinch myself to convince myself that I was not dreaming. This guy, who had won my heart after the many who tried and failed. My prayers were that God in HIS Grace would allow this love welling inside my heart to go on till the end of time.

After the formalities were done with, the imam who was to solemnise the marriage vows came and asked me if I agreed to this union. And what is a girl to say, in this instance? To say, YES! seemed so unbecoming of how a bashful Malay bride should behave. To say, NO! is completely opposite to the joyful thumping of my heart. So, I did what I have heard from some old wives, `Kalau diam, tu tanda setuju' (Loosely translated, to keep quiet is to give consent), I smiled, lowered my head and said nothing. That seemed to be enough for the kindly Imam and he took his seat infront of my groom.

With one utterance of Aku terima nikah nya, Anneaziz dengan maskahwinnya sebanyak ...I was bound to him in law and religion as his wife. The warm, fuzzy feeling welled in my heart and for the first time in my life, I knew and felt what deliriously happy meant. Tengku Shuib and I were free to chart our life together and that day was the first day of the rest of our life.

(This is not Tengku Shuib but the happiness on the bride's face mirrored her happiness. Courtesy to LOCOPhotography)

I would wake up every morning thereafter for the next few days with the same warm fuzzy feeling in my heart. Nothing could rile me and nothing made me cross, the weather was always sunny and beautiful and there was a smile always playing on my lips.

How could a dream give me so much joy? The feeling of loving someone and being loved in return warms the heart, even though it was just a dream. Many years have passed since that day, but I could recall distinctly how he looked that night we wed. In fact I can remember his name with certainty and his face is etched in my mind.

Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all~ so said Tennyson.

Thank you GOD for that experience of being in LOVE.

The second time I got married in my dream was to a face so familiar, it tickled my heart to this day. The groom is a singer cum actor and I must have watched him sing or act in a movie that evening before I plonked down for the night. Beatman, Yiko! WAKAKA! I still roll over laughing! The chances of such union is so remote that it is downright unthinkable. He would have to be blind and mute and dumb...

The third time was to a man with an old Malay name. It was just a dream that came and went and I cannot remember much of him or ` our marriage'. Except his kiss....

Dreams and its significance. Am I starved for love? Sometimes I ask myself...

Nostalgia 2nd part

2010-01-18T08:45:00.003+08:00

Ok cat, I know I promised no more sad, nostalgic stuff, but this one is one for the road.

We'll have a meooooow of a time after this.

Nostalgia

2010-01-16T09:35:00.000+08:00

Lagu lama, perasaan tetap sama
Lirik yang menyentuh hati nurani

Not quite 20!

2010-01-16T08:06:00.003+08:00

Can't resist posting this pic to immortalise the girl who says and thinks she's not quite 20!

Dalam Ingatan

2010-01-14T13:45:00.005+08:00

Hari Juma`at lepas, selepas kelas di PAKSI*, aku berlari-lari anak mengejar dia. Sebabnya? Hendak ambil buku catatan percuma yang diedarkan oleh PAKSI. Tujuan pemberian buku ini ialah untuk menarik minat sesiapa yang belum mengikuti kelas agama percuma setiap hari Juma`at untuk turut serta berilmu dan beramal.

Setelah memberi dan menjawab salam, bukupun bertukar tangan. Aku dan makngah bergegas ke restoran sebelah Menara Zakat untuk menjamu selera. Selalunya, kalau berdua, memang inilah rutin kami. Ikan keli goreng , ikan keli bakar, cecah air asam memang scavorite (aka favorite). Di selang seli dengan ulam-ulaman dan juga gado-gado, hmmm....memang sedap!

Di situ, aku sekali lagi terserempak dengan dia. Aku tegur lagi,`La, makan kat sini jugak ka?' Tersengih-sengih sambil mengangguk. Berseorangan dia hari ini aku fikir, selalunya isterinya ikut serta.

Pagi Ahad, aku menerjah kelas Ustaz Zainal Asri. Tauhid bukanlah kelas yang aku suka miss, sebab Tauhid perlu dipelajari dari GURU secara berdepan, dan Ustaz Zainal Asri adalah ustaz scavorite.

Pada penghujung kelas, kami diberitahu, bahawa dia telah dimasukkan ke WAD HD di Hospital Sultanah Bahiyah kerana stroke, pada masa itu tengah koma dan disyaki terdapat blood clot di otak.

Aku berkira-kira, bila nak melawat. Tapi pesanan coklat ku belum terisi, menyebabkan sehingga pagi semalam aku masih belum menziarah.

Akhirnya pada pukul 10 pagi semalam, aku mendapat berita bahawa Ust Rahman Putra telah menghembuskan nafas yang terakhir malam sebelumnya.

Rasa terkilan , rasa sedih, rasa marah pada diri tidak mendengar suara hati yang berbisik menyuruh menziarah orang yang sakit.

Dalam sekelip mata, tiada lagi antara orang yang bertungkus lumus di dalam kegiatan PAKSI. Paling ku ingati ialah kerana dia lah yang selalu menyelenggara urusan pembesar suara ketika kelas dijalankan.

Al Fatihah kepada aruah, juga seluruh muslimin muslimat yang telah meninggalkan kita. Semoga roh mereka ditempatkan di kalangan orang yang diredhoi oleh ALLAH.

Rasulullah s.a.w pernah bersabda bahawa apabila matinya anak Adam maka terputus amal ibadatnya kecuali tiga perkara, pertama : ilmu yang bermanfaat, kedua : sedekah jariah dan ketiga : doa anak-anak yang soleh.

*PAKSI ~ Pergerakan Kebajikan dan Sosial Islam, sebuah NGO Islam yang sedang bertungkus lumus mengumpul dana untuk mendirikan Darul Hadis di Tok Keling ASTAR)

How fragile life is...when it passes, it seems like it was a dream.

The one that nearly got away (updated)

2010-01-13T01:34:00.007+08:00

It had been 4 frustrating months. The wait was fraught with anticipation and hope. Then, it finally happened.

It started with a fluttering sensation in the tummy area, something like being touched by butterfly wings. Then, it started to get uncomfortable, felt like gas, but it was not. Perhaps it was hunger, still it was not.

After a full day at work, I stole some time to visit him, my handsome OBGYN. From Paramount Garden in Sea Park to his clinic at Taman Tun took all of 20 min. That was when your existence was confirmed and another long wait started, i.e for you to make an appearance!

4 weeks after that, there was still no sign of a heartbeat . The kind doctor wanted to terminate, `Try again', he said, `you're still young'. And I thought, `No way!' I said,` We'll wait another week. Or two.' If I had listened to him that day, we would never have gotten to know one another!

As if on cue, there goes the racing heartbeat almost popping out of the scan monitor during the next visit!

At the end of the first trimester, because of you, I was given a long bed rest, threatening to drop out way, way before time! Injections and visits to Dr Idris put that threat to rest.

I hardly had trouble once you got settled in. Save for the intense kicking I got whenever I stood by the sink (I got away from washing a lot of dirty dishes because of that!), everything was smooth sailing, no morning sickness, no blues, fit as a fiddle! I never forget the old wives advise Veronica, my office mate gave, she said `You must drink orange juice and soya bean to give her fair skin, carrot juice to give her good eyes and good skin, papaya if you don't want to constipate' Looking at you now, I guess she knew what she was talking about! (Thank you Veron!, wherever you are, may God bless you)

So that was my daily menu for nine months! Two oranges squeezed fresh, 1 glass of soya bean, 1 glass of milky carrot drink and one slice of papaya daily! Boy, could I eat and drink! Not forgetting one McD sundae from the drive in at Ampang Park at about 11.30pm everynight!

At 34 weeks, my BP started to escalate. Despite a doctor's appointment every two days and a series of sick leave which I failed to take up (remember, I was fit as a fiddle!), it shot up uncontrollably. Dr Idris threatened to have me arrested for endangering your life. (Did you know that Doctors are allowed to do that? Yes, they can! Serious!)

At 38 weeks, 2 weeks ahead of schedule I was asked to check in. The Doctor was worried that I had failed to respond to medication.

`13 January, bright and early', the Doctor said, `we'll have to get her out'. Once he left for the night, I had my dinner and talked to my room-mate, a policewoman who was humongous with twins! At just about midnight 12 January, my water bag broke, still no pain, in fact there wasn't any until about 4.30am. And by 6.25 am, I became a mother and you, kiddo! became my sunshine!

You are my sunshine,
My only sunshine,
You make me happy,
When skies are grey.

You never know dear
How much I love you
Please don't take
My sunshine away

Your `favoritest' song when you were a baby. Actually it was the only song with notes my voice could reach. Didn't matter to you then. Now when I sing, you tell me , MUM, pls don't murder the song....

My first question to the attending nurse was, How many fingers and toes does she have? (I should have asked, how many mouths!)

(Sorry, Ma malas nak cari pic, so I had to use one walaupun kakak enter frame, lagipun you told me, you don't like pic yang lawa-lawa!)

The venue : Klinik OBGYN Dr Idris, Taman Tun Dr Ismail
The date : 13 January 1990
The baby : YOU!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY AYANG! LOVE YOU LOTS!

Taiping

2010-01-05T11:51:00.016+08:00

The hill is 1036m above sea level, but the distance by road from the foot of the hill to the peak is 10.2km. Did you know that there are 92 hairpin turns up the hill? If my arithmetic is not too rusty, that averages 9 sharp turns for every km, which was a nerve wrecking experience. Imagine negotiating a hairpin turn while climbing a slope of 45 degrees! And all this is done in a jeep which has seen better days! Salute to the jeep drivers!

Feast your eyes on the view:

A majestic view

God is Great! The palm fronds must have been about 200 metres away

Taiping from the hilltop

THE FLORA:

Calms and soothes the soul!
A walk to remember..the canopy walk

View from the look out tower framed by the arc

(On the way down, proof that it was no limousine ride! I salute the 88 year old Singaporean grandma who took the jeep ride down with us without so much as batting an eyelid)

Taiping Zoo and Night Safari.

Although the Night Safari is the only one of its kind in Malaysia, we did not make that trip cos many remarked that you don't get to see much in the night light. If you get to Taiping, don't miss a trip to the zoo.. Missed a lot of animals cos the digicam battery ran out!

The FAUNA:

The beautiful panther

(Spot the mountain goat)

Macaws

Magnificent seladang

The orang utan taking a break, c'est la vie!

Flamingoes on the pond

Didn't know that white rhinos existed!

The shy hippopotamus

Time was running out so the trip to the Perak Museum was short and sweet with just pics taken in the vicinity of the museum. Too bad cos Taiping Museum is the oldest in Malaysia.

Kamalodge where we stayed during our Taiping break

The lodge reflected in the swimming pool

The teeny bops couldn't resist a close-to-midnight dip!

A new dress for New year

2009-12-24T22:48:00.002+08:00

A gift from a thoughtful friend, out of sight but not out of mind.

Thank you (Uncle) Lee,

May you be blessed with a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!

NEW BEGINNINGS

2009-12-19T00:54:00.005+08:00

My garden underwent a massive hard pruning and tidying last week.

It was getting to be an eyesore. To add insult to injury, a friend who had not visited for sometime, commented that it looked more like a jungle from JUMANJI! (the movie). I just don't understand, the garden looks great in photos! In fact my daughter tells me that pics of her in my garden would get her friends to ask which resort or retreat she was at!

However the remark my friend made was the straw that broke the camel's back and I went on a rampage...with a lot of help from Babang...my vacationing nephew who practically owes me his first one year pay for all the favours I've done him. And of course the promise of some monetary reward to help finance his upcoming road trip with his school friends got me a very willing and very obedient mat bangla to order around as I please.

The garden took the brunt of whatever pent up emotions I had boiling in me. I can hardly call it writer's block (I'm not even a decent writer) and the weeks of feeling under the weather wasn't going away anytime soon. One day I just woke up and felt the need to rejuvenate!

First went all the small pots. Save the plants which were worth saving, re-pot in bigger pots with new earth, add in some humus and soil conditioner, Walla! good as new! I hope to see, in a few weeks time, what difference all the back breaking exercise did. At one time I was so hung up on anything small and cute; small plants, small pots, small knick knacks. Suddenly I felt it was all clutter and had to rid myself of everything small. So now I'm into big plants and big pots phase of my gardening life.

Next went everything of which I had more than 3. Choose the plants carefully, throw the rest! Brutal, yes! But they would be better off as humus than potted miseries.

Then, it was re positioning the pots. Some plants which prefer shade had been left to shield itself from the scorching sun, and some which prefers sunbathing all day all season had been left in the shade.

All that done, I had to seriously think what else I should get rid of so that I'm left with a low maintenance garden. The durian tree which has not borne any fruits thus far has been given fair warning for the past 3 years, to no avail! Yet, when it comes to crunch time, I just can't help feeling..yes...just 1 more year, I'll wait 1 more year. So that means having to slave over it's shedding leaves for another 365 days! And the leaves are so small, like ikan sepat!

That meant getting rid of the fast growing Ridani or Rangoon Creeper. Cut back real short and hope I remember to keep it trimmed every month so that it won't grow wild all over my prized bunga pisang! ( I don't know what the scientific or common name is, but my mother tells me that's what it is called cos the flowers, if you can call them flowers, really smell like bananas!)

The debris left behind after the exercise was a huge mount about 5 feet high! So far I have had no revelation on how to clear this! My resident biologist who is back for holidays has given stern warning on the effects of open burning on global warning. And I'm not too keen on leaving my carbon footprints when world leaders have failed to decide on how best to handle this issue at Copenhagen. Besides the smoke would play havoc on my asthma.

So, for now, my heavily pruned garden is still messy with the debris. Wish David (Blaine/ Copperfield) was here to spoof it all away!

But, sitting down on my antique garden swing and admiring the view, I'm proud of my efforts. It's a new year and time for new beginnings. I must not be afraid to reduce my clutter, just so it would be easier to maintain in the future.

I bought a book on this...and it says anything you haven't touched or used in the last 6 months maybe categorised as excess baggage you need to shed.

DARE I?

Ma`al Hijrah 1431

2009-12-18T22:50:00.003+08:00

Hari ini 1 Muharram tahun 1431 Hijriah!

Many of my Chinese friends would unknowingly refer Hari Raya Aidil Fitri as New Year. `Happy New Year!' they would wish referring to Aidil Fitri celebrations. In fact, this wish is more appropriate for Ma`al Hijrah which falls on the first day of the first month of Muharram, one of the four holy months in the Muslim calendar.

For the uninitiated, Muslim calendar is lunar based. Months are either as short as 29 or as long as 30 days and the year is either 354 or 355 days. The first year of Hijrah was marked by the event of the Prophet Muhammad's emigration from Mekah to Medina (then known as Yathrib).

The Hijrah is a very important event in the history of Islam as it marked the beginning of a system of governance and a way of life away from the persecution of the non-Muslim Quraish of Mekah.

SALAM MA`AL HIJRAH, MAY THIS YEAR OF 1431H BRINGS FORTH PEACE AND HAPPINESS TO ALL!

Note : Puasa pada 9 dan 10 Muharram adalah antara puasa sunat yang afdhal.

The hermit crab

2009-12-06T21:06:00.007+08:00

My blog like my garden, has been left unattended for the past few weeks.

My blog and my garden are my sanctuaries. In my blog I get to say and write whatever and whenever I please. I feel peaceful putting (virtual) pen to (virtual) paper. I get the same peaceful feelings when I'm out there in the early morning sunshine, pulling out weed or moving flower pots around.

Nobody harassed me to write or not to write, neither was I was forced out of my garden. But the past few weeks drained both my physical and mental well being. Nothing earth shattering happened, but the crab in me crawled back into her shell.

Has the crab been reinvented? Re engineered? Remodelled?

I am waiting to find out.

SOMETIMES...

2009-11-22T19:11:00.015+08:00

Sometimes, I miss all the things that money can buy;
a holiday away from the maddening crowd,

then I remember that it would be the solitude I seek
and not the place I pick

Contemplation in solitude is free and God-given,
it is wherever I want to find it
in my prayers
in my supplication in the still silence of the night.

Sometime i miss...
the music from an expensive stereo set
or a full orchestra
then I hear the sounds of the birds chirping in the early morning light

the cooing of the pigeon that fly low in search of food

the call of the azan 5 times daily from the nearby mosque

the recital of the holy verses from the mouth of a child

and I remember that this is all the music my soul needs.

Sometimes I think of...
the bright lights and the fast paced city life,

always wanting more,
always wanting something better;
fancy clothes and expensive restaurants

Then I remember that time travels fast enough as it is
that no matter how expensive the food, you can only eat your fill.
that all what matters now, will one day be left behind
that in the dark and silent world of the grave
what counts is how you fared as a servant of your Master

Sometimes I crave for...
the attention, the passionate embrace of a lover
then I remember that everybody leaves everybody sometime or another
that the only enduring love is that of God for His creations,
that this is truly love in its purest from,
never ending, never fading, all embracing, all consuming.
And that is all the love that I need.

I'm just human and sometimes I forget that I'm truly blessed.

photo credits to deviations from deviant art

My beautiful friend

2009-11-20T00:37:00.002+08:00

PERCEPTION; HAVE YOU MISSED ANYTHING LATELY?

2009-11-18T07:56:00.003+08:00

Washington, DC Metro Station on a cold January morning in 2007. The man with a violin played six Bach pieces for about 45 minutes. During that time approx. 2 thousand people went through the station, most of them on their way to work. After 3 minutes a middle aged man noticed there was a musician playing. He slowed his pace and stopped for a few seconds and then hurried to meet his schedule.

4 minutes later:
the violinist received his first dollar: a woman threw the money in the hat and, without stopping, continued to walk..

6 minutes:
A young man leaned against the wall to listen to him, then looked at his watch and started to walk again.

10 minutes:
A 3-year old boy stopped but his mother tugged him along hurriedly. The kid stopped to look at the violinist again, but the mother pushed hard and the child continued to walk, turning his head all the time. This action was repeated by several other children. Every parent, without exception, forced their children to move on quickly.

45 minutes:
The musician played continuously. Only 6 people stopped and listened for a short while. About 20 gave money but continued to walk at their normal pace. The man collected a total of $32.

1 hour:
He finished playing and silence took over. No one noticed. No one applauded, nor was there any recognition.

No one knew this, but the violinist was Joshua Bell, one of the greatest musicians in the world. He played one of the most intricate pieces ever written, with a violin worth $3.5 million dollars. Two days before Joshua Bell sold out a theater in Boston where the seats averaged $100.

This is a true story. Joshua Bell playing incognito in the metro station was organized by the Washington Post as part of a social experiment about perception, taste and people's priorities. The questions raised: in a common place environment at an inappropriate hour, do we perceive beauty? Do we stop to appreciate it? Do we recognize talent in an unexpected context?

One possible conclusion reached from this experiment could be this: If we do not have a moment to stop and listen to one of the best musicians in the world, playing some of the finest music ever written, with one of the most beautiful instruments ever made.... How many other things are we missing?

Hear him play...would you have stopped to listen ?

GO KISS THE WORLD~ SUBROTO BAGCHI

2009-11-06T18:00:00.009+08:00

A speech so inspiring, it'll be a loss for any parent to miss this and miss being an inspiration in the lives of ther children
(Sorry about the irregular spacing...copied from a friend's mail)

(SUBROTO BAGCHI, CEO MINDTREE and author of runaway best sellers, The High Performance Entrepreneur, Go Kiss the World and The Professional.)

I was the last child of a small-time government servant, in a family of
five brothers. My earliest memory of my father is as that of a District
Employment Officer in Koraput, Orissa. It was, and remains as back of
beyond as you can imagine. There was no electricity; no primary school
nearby and water did not flow out of a tap. As a result, I did not go to
school until the age of eight; I was home-schooled. My father used to get
transferred every year. The family belongings fit into the back of a jeep
- so the family moved from place to place and without any trouble, my
Mother would set up an establishment and get us going. Raised by a widow
who had come as a refugee from the then East Bengal , she was a matriculate
when she married my Father.

My parents set the foundation of my life and the value system, which makes
me what I am today and largely, defines what success means to me today.

As District Employment Officer, my father was given a jeep by the
government. There was no garage in the Office, so the jeep was parked in
our house. My father refused to use it to commute to the office. He told
us that the jeep is an expensive resource given by the government- he
reiterated to us that it was not "his jeep" but the government's jeep.
Insisting that he would use it only to tour the interiors, he would walk
to his office on normal days. He also made sure that we never sat in the
government jeep - we could sit in it only when it was stationary.

That was our early childhood lesson in governance - a lesson that
corporate managers learn the hard way, some never do.

The driver of the jeep was treated with respect due to any other member of
my Father's office. As small children, we were taught not to call him by
his name. We had to use the suffix 'dada' whenever we were to refer to him
in public or private. When I grew up to own a car and a driver by the name
of Raju was appointed - I repeated the lesson to my two small daughters.
They have, as a result, grown up to call Raju, 'Raju Uncle' - very
different from many of their friends who refer to their family driver, as
'my driver'. When I hear that term from a school- or college-going person,
I cringe.

To me, the lesson was significant - you treat small people with more
respect than how you treat big people. It is more important to respect
your subordinates than your superiors.

Our day used to start with the family huddling around my Mother's chulha -
an earthen fire place she would build at each place of posting where she
would cook for the family. There was neither gas, nor electrical
stoves.The morning routine started with tea. As the brew was served,
Father would ask us to read aloud the editorial page of The Statesman's
'muffosil' edition - delivered one day late. We did not understand much of
what we were reading. But the ritual was meant for us to know that the
world was larger than Koraput district and the English I speak today,
despite having studied in an Oriya medium school, has to do with that
routine. After reading the newspaper aloud, we were told to fold it
neatly. Father taught us a simple lesson.

He used to say, "You should leave your newspaper and your toilet, the way
you expect to find it". That lesson was about showing consideration to
others. Business begins and ends with that simple precept.

Being small children, we were always enamored with advertisements in the
newspaper for transistor radios - we did not have one. We saw other people
having radios in their homes and each time there was an advertisement of
Philips, Murphy or Bush radios, we would ask Father when we could get one.
Each time, my Father would reply that we did not need one because he
already had five radios - alluding to his five sons.

We also did not have a house of our own and would occasionally ask Father
as to when, like others, we would live in our own house. He would give a
similar reply," We do not need a house of our own. I already own five
houses". His replies did not gladden our hearts in that instant.

Nonetheless, we learnt that it is important not to measure personal
success and sense of well being through material possessions.

Government houses seldom came with fences. Mother and I collected twigs
and built a small fence. After lunch, my Mother would never sleep. She
would take her kitchen utensils and with those she and I would dig the
rocky, white ant infested surrounding. We planted flowering bushes. The
white ants destroyed them. My mother brought ash from her chulha and mixed
it in the earth and we planted the seedlings all over again. This time,
they bloomed. At that time, my father's transfer order came. A few
neighbors told my mother why she was taking so much pain to beautify a
government house, why she was planting seeds that would only benefit the
next occupant. My mother replied that it did not matter to her that she
would not see the flowers in full bloom. She said, "I have to create a
bloom in a desert and whenever I am given a new place, I must leave it
more beautiful than what I had inherited".

That was my first lesson in success. It is not about what you create for
yourself, it is what you leave behind that defines success.

My mother began developing a cataract in her eyes when I was very small.
At that time, the eldest among my brothers got a teaching job at the
University in Bhubaneswar and had to prepare for the civil services
examination. So, it was decided that my Mother would move to cook for him
and, as her appendage, I had to move too. For the first time in my life I
saw electricity in homes and water coming out of a tap. It was around 1965
and the country was going to war with Pakistan . My mother was having
problems reading and in any case, being Bengali, she did not know the
Oriya script. So, in addition to my daily chores, my job was to read her
the local newspaper - end to end. That created in me a sense of
connectedness with a larger world. I began taking interest in many
different things. While reading out news about the war, I felt that I was
fighting the war myself. She and I discussed the daily news and built a
bond with the larger universe. In it, we became part of a larger reality.
Till date, I measure my success in terms of that sense of larger
connectedness. Meanwhile, the war raged and India was fighting on both
fronts. Lal Bahadur Shastri, the then Prime Minster, coined the term "Jai
Jawan, Jai Kishan" and galvanized the nation in to patriotic fervor. Other
than reading out the newspaper to my mother, I had no clue about how I
could be part of the action. So, after reading her the newspaper, every
day I would land up near the University's water tank, which served the
community. I would spend hours under it, imagining that there could be
spies who would come to poison the water and I had to watch for them. I
would daydream about catching one and how the next day, I would be
featured in the newspaper. Unfortunately for me, the spies at war ignored
the sleepy town of Bhubaneswar and I never got a chance to catch one in
action. Yet, that act unlocked my imagination.

Imagination is everything. If we can imagine a future, we can create it,
if we can create that future, others will live in it. That is the essence
of success.

Over the next few years, my mother's eyesight dimmed but in me she created
a larger vision, a vision with which I continue to see the world and, I
sense, through my eyes, she was seeing too. As the next few years
unfolded, her vision deteriorated and she was operated for cataract. I
remember, when she returned after her operation and she saw my face
clearly for the first time, she was astonished. She said, "Oh my God, I
did not know you were so fair". I remain mighty pleased with that
adulation even till date. Within weeks of getting her sight back, she
developed a corneal ulcer and, overnight, became blind in both eyes. That
was 1969. She died in 2002. In all those 32 years of living with
blindness, she never complained about her fate even once. Curious to know
what she saw with blind eyes, I asked her once if she sees darkness. She
replied, "No, I do not see darkness. I only see light even with my eyes
closed". Until she was eighty years of age, she did her morning yoga
everyday, swept her own room and washed her own clothes.

To me, success is about the sense of independence; it is about not seeing
the world but seeing the light.

Over the many intervening years, I grew up, studied, joined the industry
and began to carve my life's own journey. I began my life as a clerk in a
government office, went on to become a Management Trainee with the DCM
group and eventually found my life's calling with the IT industry when
fourth generation computers came to India in 1981. Life took me places - I
worked with outstanding people, challenging assignments and traveled all
over the world.

In 1992, while I was posted in the US , I learnt that my father, living a
retired life with my eldest brother, had suffered a third degree burn
injury and was admitted in the Safderjung Hospital in Delhi . I flew back
to attend to him - he remained for a few days in critical stage, bandaged
from neck to toe. The Safderjung Hospital is a cockroach infested, dirty,
inhuman place. The overworked, under-resourced sisters in the burn ward
are both victims and perpetrators of dehumanized life at its worst. One
morning, while attending to my Father, I realized that the blood bottle
was empty and fearing that air would go into his vein, I asked the
attending nurse to change it. She bluntly told me to do it myself. In that
horrible theater of death, I was in pain and frustration and anger.
Finally when she relented and came, my Father opened his eyes and murmured
to her, "Why have you not gone home yet?" Here was a man on his deathbed
but more concerned about the overworked nurse than his own state. I was
stunned at his stoic self.

There I learnt that there is no limit to how concerned you can be for
another human being and what the limit of inclusion is you can create.

My father died the next day. He was a man whose success was defined by his
principles, his frugality, his universalism and his sense of inclusion.

Above all, he taught me that success is your ability to rise above your
discomfort, whatever may be your current state. You can, if you want,
raise your consciousness above your immediate surroundings. Success is not
about building material comforts - the transistor that he never could buy
or the house that he never owned. His success was about the legacy he
left, the memetic continuity of his ideals that grew beyond the smallness
of a ill-paid, unrecognized government servant's world.

My father was a fervent believer in the British Raj. He sincerely doubted
the capability of the post-independence Indian political parties to govern
the country. To him, the lowering of the Union Jack was a sad event. My
Mother was the exact opposite. When Subhash Bose quit the Indian National
Congress and came to Dacca , my mother, then a schoolgirl, garlanded him.
She learnt to spin khadi and joined an underground movement that trained
her in using daggers and swords. Consequently, our household saw diversity
in the political outlook of the two. On major issues concerning the world,
the Old Man and the Old Lady had differing opinions.

In them, we learnt the power of disagreements, of dialogue and the essence
of living with diversity in thinking.

Success is not about the ability to create a definitive dogmatic end
state; it is about the unfolding of thought processes, of dialogue and
continuum.

Two years back, at the age of eighty-two, Mother had a paralytic stroke
and was lying in a government hospital in Bhubaneswar . I flew down from
the US where I was serving my second stint, to see her. I spent two weeks
with her in the hospital as she remained in a paralytic state. She was
neither getting better nor moving on. Eventually I had to return to work.
While leaving her behind, I kissed her face. In that paralytic state and a
garbled voice, she said,

"Why are you kissing me, go kiss the world." Her river was nearing its
journey, at the confluence of life and death, this woman who came to India
as a refugee, raised by a widowed Mother, no more educated than high
school, married to an anonymous government servant whose last salary was
Rupees Three Hundred, robbed of her eyesight by fate and crowned by
adversity was telling me to go and kiss the world!

Success to me is about Vision. It is the ability to rise above the
immediacy of pain. It is about imagination. It is about sensitivity to
small people. It is about building inclusion. It is about connectedness to
a larger world existence. It is about personal tenacity. It is about
giving back more to life than you take out of it. It is about creating
extra-ordinary success with ordinary lives.

Thank you very much; I wish you good luck and God's speed. Go! kiss the
world.

(My take on the speech:

Note: Although the parents may seem to be simple people, they hold world class vision and values that would shame many in this materialistic world. World class parents do produce world class progeny, I guess it's true that the apple doesn't fall far from the tree)

Are you ready to be tested?

2009-11-05T21:05:00.005+08:00

A short neurological test

1- Find the C below.. Please do not use any cursor help.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO COOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOO

2- If you already found the C, now find the 6 below.

9999999999999999999 9999999999999999 999999999999
9999999999999999999 9999999999999999 999999999999
9999999999999999999 9999999999999999 999999999999
6999999999999999999 9999999999999999 999999999999
9999999999999999999 9999999999999999 999999999999
9999999999999999999 9999999999999999 999999999999

3 - Now find the N below. It's a little more difficult.

MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM MMMMMMMMMNMM
MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM MMMMMMMMMMMM
MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM MMMMMMMMMMMM
MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM MMMMMMMMMMMM
MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM MMMMMMMMMMMM

This is NOT a joke. If you were able to pass these 3 tests, you can cancel your annual visit to your neurologist. Your brain is great and you're far from having a close relationship with Alzheimer.

Congratulations!
Oh. One more test....
Find the 44^th USA President.

Well, congratulations, you're not colour blind either!

SENIOR CITIZENS
ARE THE NATION'S LEADING CARRIERS OF AIDS!

HEARING AIDS

BAND AIDS

ROLL AIDS

WALKING AIDS

MEDICAL AIDS

GOVERNMENT AIDS

MOST OF ALL,

MONETARY AIDS TO THEIR KIDS!

Not forgetting HIV (Hair is Vanishing)
Give me the grace to see a joke,
To get some humour out of life,
And pass it on to other folk.

I'm only sending this to my 'old' friends.

I love to see you smile !

Questions for the wise old owl

2009-11-02T21:27:00.013+08:00

Kring kring ......

`Hello'

And it's your best friend at the other end of the line `Hi, it's me, can I talk to you?'

`Yeah sure, what's up?'

`What do you think if I say I want a divorce?'
(And I'm thinking if you are asking me this question, you DON"T want a divorce! You just think you do)

OMG! Another one million dollar question! (Nowadays it could actually be worth more than this cos a divorce would ultimately require splitting up the couple's marital assets which could easily run into millions given the price of real estate in KL these days)

So as a friend what kind of advise do you give?

My answer was ` Are you free right now? Let's have lunch at so-so..'

Hmmmm....

Barbara Streisand sang in Women in Love:

The road is narrow and long
When eyes meet eyes
and the feeling is strong

How true it is...The myth of living happily ever after, soon after being swept off your feet by Prince Charming is now just that....a myth. On the other hand, the dream of snaring the sweet, submissive, compliant and ever obliging Princess quickly evaporates into thin air.

Good and long lasting marriages were not made like that. These require a lot of sacrifices, a lot of love and plenty of hard work, lots of laughter and shared tears to grow strong and solid. Much like a tree, the annual rings acquired through beautiful weather, drought and stormy rains make the wood beautiful and priceless...you can't get it any other way, just the hard way.

(The cross section of a tree...beautiful isn't it? But the tree has gone through so much character building)

Some see and count sacrifices only in material form. Most men think, working their fingers to the bone providing comfort to the family as the ultimate sacrifice. What precious little time left is heavily invested on their teh tarik buddies, their futsal sessions and their fishing or golfing trips. In fact nowadays, these are actually considered healthy social activities. Better than frequenting clubs and massage parlours, some might even volunteer.

Whereas women, with or without careers, are expected to be the nurturer, the family caretaker, the cook, the mother and provide laundry services to boot. And God forbid if she asks too many questions (5 at a time is considered max!) or if she's no good in bed cos she's just too tired running around making sure all i's are dotted and all t's crossed. Mum, wife ; omnipresent. (Yes, until she drops dead, that is)

This lopsided arrangement will ultimately bring the couple to the forked road. So where do you go from there?

When confronted with the same question again after lunch, I told my friend, ` I am not in a position to offer a solution to your problem. In a marriage, however much you consult with others, the only two opinions that matter is the both of yours'. All I can do is offer a different perspective to what you see as the root cause of the problem.'

Some basic rules:

1) When you are wronged by the other party, drop the holier than thou attitude. If it happened to him/her, it can happen to you too. The other party is just unlucky.

2) When there is any doubt, give the partner the benefit.

3) Do not look a gift horse in its mouth

(MY! this horse needs a dentist desperately)

4) If you ask too many questions, be prepared to be taken for the ride of your life.

5) Hope for the best, but prepare for the worst.

6) Cliche' as it may sound, be prepared to forgive (though you may never forget)

(Now, what did they say? oh yes, broken pieces never make a whole)

7) No matter how strongly convicted you are, never decide in the heat of the moment. Give yourself the time and space, you owe it to yourself.

The wise old owl rests her case. Anymore simple rules to mend a broken heart?

Who you gonna call?

2009-10-30T19:58:00.001+08:00

'Hello?'
>
> 'Hi, honey. This is Daddy. Is Mommy near
> the phone?'
>
>
> 'No Daddy. She's upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle
> Paul.'
>
> ***Brief Pause***
>
> Daddy says, 'But honey, you haven't got an Uncle
> Paul.'
>
>
> 'Oh yes I do, and he's upstairs in the room with
> Mommy, right now.'
>
>
>
>
> ***Brief Pause.***
>
> 'Uh, okay then, this is what I want you to do. Put the
> phone down on the table,
> run upstairs and knock on the bedroom door and shout to
> Mommy that Daddy's
> car just pulled into the driveway.'
>
> 'Okay Daddy, just a minute.'
> A few minutes later the little girl comes back to the
> phone.
>
>
>
> 'I did it Daddy'
> And what happened honey?'
>
> 'Well, Mommy got all scared, jumped out of bed with no
> clothes on and ran around
> screaming. Then she tripped over the rug, hit her head on
> the dresser and now she
> isn't moving at all!'
>
> 'Oh my God!!! What about your Uncle Paul?'
>
> 'He jumped out of the bed with no clothes on, too. He
> was all scared and he jumped
> out of the back window and into the swimming
> pool. But I guess he didn't know that
> you took out the water last week to clean it. He hit the
> bottom of the pool and I think
> he's dead.'
>
>
>
> ***Long Pause***
>
>
>
>
> ***Longer Pause***
>
>
>
>
> ***Even Longer Pause***
>
>
> Then Daddy says, 'Swimming pool ?? We dont have a
> swimming pool !! Ah, is this 486-5731 ??'
>
>
> No, this is 486-5713.... .
>
> 'SORRY WRONG NUMBER

AN EXPLOSION OF LUST

2009-10-29T13:53:00.006+08:00

Save for a few lines in contradiction with my faith, i think this short poem is deep and powerful.

Explosion of lust - Marcus.Graham

An Explosion of lust
The brightness of brights
on the blackest of nights
Children run like ants
i'm blind , i'm blind they scream
as a flood of ash takes the city
the red Poseidon looks into my eyes
eyes are open
mind is closed
look through all the faults i've made
god is my grenade
and we all speak with guns in out mouths
fading smiles glisten with mold and absence of any emotion
a decade passes and all are bodies turn to dust
Feel no love.. factories hold together my heart so broken
i feel the tears of the ocean
sweep under my eyelids like a tsunami flooding through me
as the explosion goes back into me
and what was loved is now all forgotten
no eyes can judge me because all men are blind
i'm the cheapest vodka
i'm the weakest saviour
my body is your broken temple..
and you are my distorted prayer
i'm a turtle trapped inside my own shell
dreaming of a kiss that could never be
love has always been imaginary
All that was once in place is now shattered glass
Love is the atom bomb
Your words are like napalm
Never has anything been more true
as my bones begin to shatter
and the world shatters too
i read my final transcript
and have my last communion
watch the wave of ash go over my head
and hope that god will save me when i'm dead.

KETULUSAN HATI- PADA YANG MAHA PENCIPTA

2009-10-28T02:20:00.005+08:00

Ya Rabb, kabulkan permintaan ku ini.

Sudi kah Kau menerima ku?

Cat betrayal

2009-10-22T13:16:00.002+08:00

The players could easily be a woman and her man...

GOT IT?

2009-10-21T21:05:00.002+08:00

Did I read that sign right?
TOILET OUT OF ORDER. PLEASE USE FLOOR BELOW

In a Laundromat:
AUTOMATIC WASHING MACHINES: PLEASE REMOVE ALL YOUR CLOTHES WHEN THE LIGHT GOES OUT

In a London department store:
BARGAIN BASEMENT UPSTAIRS

In an office:
WOULD THE PERSON WHO TOOK THE STEP LADDER YESTERDAY PLEASE BRING IT BACK OR FURTHER STEPS WILL BE TAKEN

In an office:
AFTER TEA BREAK STAFF SHOULD EMPTY THE TEAPOT AND STAND UPSIDE DOWN ON THE DRAINING BOARD

Outside a secondhand shop:
WE EXCHANGE ANYTHING - BICYCLES, WASHING MACHINES, ETC. WHY NOT BRING YOUR WIFE ALONG AND GET A WONDERFUL BARGAIN?

Notice in health food shop window:
CLOSED DUE TO ILLNESS

Spotted in a safari park:(I sure hope so)
ELEPHANTS PLEASE STAY IN YOUR CAR

Seen during a conference:
FOR ANYONE WHO HAS CHILDREN AND DOESN'T KNOW IT, THERE IS A DAY CARE ON THE 1ST FLOOR

Notice in a farmer's field:
THE FARMER ALLOWS WALKERS TO CROSS THE FIELD FOR FREE, BUT THE BULL CHARGES.

Message on a leaflet:
IF YOU CANNOT READ, THIS LEAFLET WILL TELL YOU HOW TO GET LESSONS

On a repair shop door:
WE CAN REPAIR ANYTHING. (PLEASE KNOCK HARD ON THE DOOR - THE BELL DOESN'T
WORK)

I WILL SURVIVE!

2009-10-19T20:04:00.006+08:00

Recent events in my life has forced me to take another look at how people perceive me.

Sometimes in trying to be polite as what we perceive society expect from us, we run the risk of being ambiguous to the extent of being misunderstood. Things that should be clearly said or explained are given the run-around-the-banana-tree treatment, till they sometime seems to make no sense at all, or at best, unclear. Is it the Malay dilemma or is it just me?

Malays are very well known for `berbudi bahasa' to the hilt. I dare say we are the only race who are expected to sacrifice our offspring rather than let old traditions die...(Biar mati anak, jangan mati adat) and being rude, obnoxious or narcissistic is just not Malay culture. But in reality, does anyone appreciate a martyr?

We try to live the best way we know how, or how we were brought up to behave, or how we taught ourselves derived from our experience. And one thing which I have learnt from first hand experience is nobody is going to fight your war for you, do it for yourself. Still I am bound by my Malayness, so I do it in my own polite, roundabout way.

Now I learn a new lesson, sometime you need to be rude, rough, lack empathy and shout your way through to get your point across, demand an answer!

All this because, some people think, when you are nice and sweet and request for explanation nicely and stand up for your rights politely, you are perceived to be meek and weak, something soft and nice to be trodden upon. In short, someone to victimise.

Well, not anymore, brother! Thanks for the wake-up call!

There's always sunshine after the rain

PS/ I would like to welcome the latest addition to the family, a baby boy safely delivered to my sis by C section today.

Well adik, since I rescued you from a life in Nibong Tebal, you owe me this right to name your son.
Welcome to the world, Muhammad Aniq Irfan, may you be blessed with God's guidance in all aspects of your life.

She~the Enigma

2009-10-19T12:03:00.001+08:00

She
May be the face I can't forget
The trace of pleasure or regret
May be my treasure or the price I have to pay
She
May be the song that summer sings
May be the chill that autumn brings
May be a hundred different things
Within the measure of a day

She
May be the beauty or the beast
May be the famine or the feast
May turn each day into a heaven or a hell
She may be the mirror of my dreams
The smile reflected in a stream
She may not be what she may seem
Inside her shell

She
Who always seems so happy in a crowd
Whose eyes can be so private and so proud
No one's allowed to see them when they cry
She
May be the love that cannot hope to last
May come to me from shadows of the past
That I'll remember till the day I die

She
May be the reason I survive
The why and wherefore I'm alive
The one I'll care for through the rough in ready years
Me
I'll take her laughter and her tears
And make them all my souvenirs
For where she goes I've got to be
The meaning of my life is

She
She, oh she

A Speech Worth Reading and Sharing

2009-10-16T21:57:00.001+08:00

(This was a speech made by Pulitzer Prize-winning author, Anna Quindlen at the graduation ceremony of an American university where she was awarded an Honorary PhD.)

"I'm a novelist. My work is human nature. Real life is all I know. Don't ever confuse the two, your life and your work. You will walk out of here this afternoon with only one thing that no one else has. There will be hundreds of people out there with your same degree: there will be thousands of people doing what you want to do for a living. But you will be the only person alive who has sole custody of your life. Your particular life. Your entire life. Not just your life at a desk or your life on a bus or in a car or at the computer. Not just the life of your mind, but the life of your heart. Not just your bank accounts but also your soul.

People don't talk about the soul very much anymore. It's so much easier to write a resume than to craft a spirit. But a resume is cold comfort on a winter's night, or when you're sad, or broke, or lonely, or when you've received your test results and they're not so good.

Here is my resume: I am a good mother to three children. I have tried never to let my work stand in the way of being a good parent. I no longer consider myself the centre of the universe. I show up. I listen. I try to laugh. I am a good friend to my husband. I have tried to make marriage vows mean what they say. I am a good friend to my friends and them to me. Without them, there would be nothing to say to you today, because I would be a cardboard cut out. But I call them on the phone and I meet them for lunch. I would be rotten, at best mediocre, at my job if those other things were not true.

You cannot be really first rate at your work if your work is all you are. So here's what I wanted to tell you today: Get a life. A real life, not a manic pursuit of the next promotion, the bigger pay cheque, the larger house. Do you think you'd care so very much about those things if you blew an aneurysm one afternoon or found a lump in your breast?

Get a life in which you notice the smell of salt water pushing itself on a breeze at the seaside, a life in which you stop and watch how a red-tailed hawk circles over the water, or the way a baby scowls with concentration when she tries to pick up a sweet with her thumb and first finger.

Get a life in which you are not alone. Find people you love, and who love you. And remember that love is not leisure, it is work. Pick up the phone. Send an email. Write a letter. Get a life in which you are generous. And realize that life is the best thing ever, and that you have no business taking it for granted.. Care so deeply about its goodness that you want to spread it around. Take money you would have spent on beer and give it to charity. Work in a soup kitchen. Be a big brother or sister. All of you want to do well. But if you do not do good too, then doing well will never be enough.

It is so easy to waste our lives, our days, our hours, and our minutes. It is so easy to take for granted the colour of our kids' eyes, the way the melody in a symphony rises and falls and disappears and rises again. It is so easy to exist instead of to live.

I learned to live many years ago. I learned to love the journey, not the destination. I learned that it is not a dress rehearsal, and that today is the only guarantee you get. I learned to look at all the good in the world and try to give some of it back because I believed in it, completely and utterly. And I tried to do that, in part, by telling others what I had learned. By telling them this: Consider the lilies of the field. Look at the fuzz on a baby's ear. Read in the back yard with the sun on your face.

Learn to be happy. And think of life as a terminal illness, because if you do, you will live it with joy and passion as it ought to be lived"

Reflections

2009-10-01T00:26:00.006+08:00

1 Syawal...hari kemenangan untuk semua umat Islam yang telah berjaya menghambakan diri mematuhi syari`at Islam agama yang syumul.

Berpuasa sepanjang Ramadhan bukanlah sekadar menahan diri dari makan, minum, bersetubuh di siang hari dan perbuatan-perbuatan lain yang membatalkannya.

Namun untuk kebanyakan dari kita, itulah saja yang kita buat.

Sepanjang Ramadhan, hatiku menangis hiba menyaksikan pelbagai pembaziran yang dilakukan atas nama PUASA! Di rata-rata surau, mesjid lebih-lebih lagi di kawasan yang agak mewah persekitarannya, persiapan iftar lebih daripada keperluan. Iftar, solat, kemudian moreh. Hasilnya, banyak makanan terbuang sebab perut masing-masing sendat berisi.

(Dan aku berfikir, tentu ada insan yang berbuka puasa ala kadar dan akan menangis kesyukuran jika dapat menjamah makanan yang terbuang begini)

Bukan seorang dua yang berbisik pada ku di Syawal ini, ` berat badan ku bertambah di bulan puasa' dan `waktu tak puasa, makan nasi sekali sehari, bulan puasa makan nasi 2 kali sehari' juga 'keadaan kesihatan ku lebih baik di bulan puasa'.

Omongan ini membuat aku ketawa di depan yang berucap, tapi membuat aku berfikir sendiri bila berseorangan. Yang pastinya, ia berlaku kepada ramai dari kita, walaupun kita mungkin tidak mengaku, termasuk aku sendiri.

Soalnya...apakah puasa kita tadi memenuhi apa yang disyari`atkan?

Datang 1 Syawal dan hari-hari berikutnya..open house demi open house, makan , makan dan makan lagi. Walaupun tidak dipaksa menyambut jemputan ke majlis begini, semakin perit dan berat untuk kita melakukan Puasa 6 hari di bulan Syawal yang akan memberi kita-kita pahala seperti berpuasa setahun penuh!

Pada yang terasa, aku ingin sarankan. Tahun depan jika kita masih bernyawa, buat lah open house di hari pertama Syawal sahaja.

Aku bersyarah pada diriku jua!

Esok hari pertama aku berpuasa insyaAllah, setelah 12 hari Syawal menjelma. Semoga Allah menerima puasa Ramadhan ku dan memberi kelonggaran dan keampunan atas segala kelemahan diriku. Dan semoga Allah melapangkan hati ku dari hiba melihat segala kepincangan yang aku tidak berkuasa menyekatnya.

Jumaat 21 Ramadhan 1430 Hijriah

2009-09-12T02:15:00.002+08:00

Hati tetiba rasa hiba dengan kedatangan hari pertama dari sepuluh terakhir Ramadhan tahun ini. Bukan hiba kerana bahang puasa makin menekan, tapi hiba kerana dalam sedikit masa sahaja lagi, bulan yang dijanjikan Allah penuh rahmat, maghfirah dan keampunan akan berlalu meninggalkan kita semua.

Siapa yang dapat menjamin bahawa datang Ramadhan yang tahun depan, dia masih ada, bukan cuma tinggal nama; dikenang orang yang terdekat cuma, tiada riuh rendah bertarawikh bersama, tiada kegirangan bersiap kuih muih dan baju raya, tiada menghulur tangan meminta ampun maaf.

Perasaan hiba ini bertandang sejak setahun lepas. Ketika hari-hari terakhir Ramadhan tahun lepas, perasaan begini juga menghantui diriku. Semakin riuh rendah disogokkan dengan iklan Hari Raya, semakin hiba aku. Ya Allah! Aku ingin sentiasa di dalam bulan rahmat MU.

Pada awal Ramadhan ustaz ku berpesan , Nabi Muhammad telah mengaminkan doa Jibril, Celakalah orang yang tidak diampunkan dosa nya setelah Ramadhan berakhir.

Penghambaan diri secara mutlak sepanjang Ramadhan kepada Yang Maha Esa sahaja yang memungkinkan dosa diampunkan, bukan semudah menadah tangan meminta itu ini. Penghambaan secara total, menyeluruh, padu, penuh syahdu dalam menjalani ibadah puasa di siang hari dan menghidupkan malam-malamnya dengan pembersihan jiwa melalui Qiyamullail, membaca Al Quran dan zikrullah, semoga ibadah kita diterima.

Tergolongkah aku dalam golongan yang di rahmati Allah? Sisa-sisa Ramadhan ini, masih bolehkah aku mempertingkatkan kedudukan ku di samping MU? Ya Allah, kerdilnya aku! Aku cumalah seorang musafir yang sesat di perjalanan dan ingin kembali ke Sirattul Mustaqeem, pimpinlah aku ya Allah!

Aku masih berharap dan berdoa aku tidak tergolong di kalangan hamba mu yang alpa, yang hati nya mati walupun jasadnya masih bernyawa.

Pesan Ustaz ku lagi, hati mati kerana:

1) Kamu kenal Allah, tetapi kamu tidak tunai hak kepada Allah

2) Kamu kata kasih kepada Rasulallah saw, tetapi kamu tinggal sunnah nya.

3) Kamu baca Al Quran tetapi kamu tidak beramal dengannya

4) Kamu makan nikmat Allah, tetapi kamu tidak bersyukur kepada pemberi nikmat

5) Kamu tahu syaitan itu jahat, tetapi kamu tidak lari daripadanya.

6) Kamu inginkan syurga tetapi kamu tidak berusaha untuk mendapatnya.

Wahai diri, muhasabah lah hati, agar dapat ku kawal nafsu dengan puasa ini, agar dapat ku bentuk peribadi dengan menahan diri, agar dapat ku menjadi hamba abdi yang sejati.

"Wahai Tuhan kami, jadikanlah hari kami yang terbaik adalah hari kami bertemu MU"

DO`A

Hanya pada MU
Aku meminta
Sesungguhnya Kau pemurah
Ampuni segala dosa ku

Kesejahteraan
Kedamaian
keimanan
ketakwaan
pinta ku dari mu Tuhan

Selawat serta salam buat Nabi junjungan
kepada muslimin dan juga muslimat
Ya Allah ya Tuhanku
aku mendengar seruan
dan hanya kepadaMU aku beriman

keranaMU aku disini
kepada Mu aku kembali
apabila tiba saat nya nanti

sehingga tiba detik itu
aku memohon hanya dari MU
Kau peliharailah diriku

Dengan nama Mu
Allah YANG AGUNG
YANG PENGASIH
YANG PENGAMPUN
kepada MU
aku berlindung

In one of my sober moods...

Did James Dean like chocolates?

2009-09-04T13:43:00.009+08:00

One of my varied interest which, I must confess, I am not very good at (YET) is cooking.

Tapi I tak suka cooking yang bangsa you have to spend berjam-jam kat dapor tu. Where is the fun in that? I like the kind yang people masak, then I makan! And comment! Macam Food Critique gitu!

Seronoknya kalau dari dulu I tak menyusahkan kepala buat Math. I should have taken journalism! As a journalist I maybe suited to the Life and Times section kot? Tapi nak buat macam mana...the rebel in me would not kow tow to deadlines. So there goes...

(That's handsome James Dean in Rebel without a cause-incidentally adik2 yang tak kenai Dean, he's the one who said Live Fast, Die Young and leave a good-looking corpse. I tell you...that's why he died at 24!)

Anyway, cooking yang menjadi kegemaran I ialah desserts macam blueberry pie, apple pie, apple crumble, chocolate cake and cornish pie, pizza dan yang sewaktu dengannya,...get the drift? I suka yang boleh cepat-cepat masak and cepat-cepat boleh keluar dari kitchen. And I suka yang end product dia bukan setakat boleh dimakan, tapi juga chantique!

So that's why I am learning how to make chocolates now. Before long, I tak payah menggemukkan badan on Cadbury or Hershey's but my own brand of handmade and homemade chocolate.

Sapa nak rasa, boleh mai rumah masa Raya nanti. And when the blog is ready, feel free to browse and order from the Merry Chocolatiers!

!

(Walaupun gambar ni bukan choc I buat tapi I kidnap from Black Dinah Chocolatiers, I sumpah...coklat I pun nampak macam gini gak!)

So what's the connection between James Dean and chocolate making? I don't know...Ask me another day...)

Sapa kata perempuan lemah?

2009-09-03T14:27:00.005+08:00

My day started early yesterday.

At 7, I was hanging my laundry, at 8 I was feeding the cats, At 8.30 I was at the airport to pick up Yanti (my youngest sister by the same mother and father, not some INDON girl my mum adopted), by 8.45 we were at MakNgah's house for jejak kasih session (Mak Ngah is a leading contender for the Neng Yatimah award, she weeps buckets for every reason you can think of and every reason you can't think of. Since she was the one who kept house for us when Yanti was a baby, you can imagine the river she cried yesterday having not seen Yanti since a year ago)

At 9.15 we were in the auto car wash (everybody was beginning to suspect that Proton has come out with a new color for SAGA- off white, kinda yellowish, streakish...you get it?) By 9.30 we were already in PLUS highway heading to SP.

The real agenda was to visit Bapak at the hospital, but visiting time isn't until 1.00pm so there was time to kill. After all bapak was undergoing bronchoscopy, and he was not expected out of the O.T till mid day.

At 10.10 we were at Cik Ja's house to pick her and Ida, and by 11.10 we were in USM to visit Ayang, she had just finished her lectures and we squeezed her into the car and went back to her room. Oh penat nya!

(The mother plus 4 fairyGodmothers at Desasiswa Tekun USM)

This little boy couldn't understand what the big deal is in stopping him from visiting kak Yang's room...We made him stand guard at the entrance, after all the sign did not refer to any age limit. (HEHEHE! Saja nak bully, syok!)

By 12.15 we headed back to SP, visited Bapak and was informed he was well enough to be discharged the next day, but he would have to undergo MRI on Sunday. Alhamdulillah, GOD is Great and Beneficient especially in Ramadhan!

By 3.00 we were visiting Kak Fizah's chocolate factory as Yanti wanted to buy Raya gift packs for the Teganu folks. This year is Teganu's turn...so tak yah lah buat muka sedih, kena balik Teganu gak!

By 5 we were at Ja's for solat and to take a breather. By 6.15 we were on the highway again heading to Astar for ifthar with Man's family at Spring Leaf. SIL kami belanja makan lah weh! Immediately after, I unloaded Yanti and Makngah to Man and hurried back to catch Maghrib and Tarawikh.

So much for what I planned. After Maghrib, I put my head on the pillow to straighten my spinal cord and when I woke up it was 12 midnight, the telephone was screaming cos BIG boss was back and nak masuk rumah tak boleh sebab rumah was latched from inside. There flew my Tarawikh for the first time this Ramadhan.

Betul lah ~MANUSIA MERANCANG, ALLAH MERANCANG,
TAPI PERANCANGAN ALLAH LAH LEBIH BAIK"

BUKAN HATI TAK CINTA

2009-09-01T09:02:00.010+08:00

Yesterday was 31 August and our 52nd Independence day.

There was no entry from me to mark the day.

Bukan sebab hari tu tak bermakna that I did not immortalize the day with an entry, just that a lot of thought was racing through my mind.

52 tahun! Sekiranya negara ini adalah seorang insan, pada umur 52 tahun, seseorang itu telah sepatutnya mencapai tahap kematangan yang memberangsangkan. Sesetengah dari kita pun telah menjangkau usia emas dan berada dalam kategori sama tua atau sama muda dengan Malaysia, it depends on how you look at it. Do you feel that your life on earth has been too long or too short?

Yang penting bukanlah mencapai kemerdekaan secara lahiriah semata. To attain is not as difficult as to maintain, I always believe. The hard work is in actually preserving and improving!

Kemerdekaan yang hakiki adalah yang di dalam hati. Kemerdekaan yang sebenar adalah dalam penghambaan diri kepada Yang Maha Esa. True freedom, true victory lies in submission to GOD Rabbul `Alamin. How can you not be free, when there is only GOD in your life, everything including, solat, ibadah, hidup dan mati lillah hi rabbil `alamin? (iftitah)

Apakah anak-anak muda negara in telah mengisi kemerdekaan negara dan diri dengan sebaiknya? Pencarian di utube menyedihkan. What a terrible loss to the family , what a terrible loss of potential to the nation, what a terrible waste of time and resources, what a terrible waste of life!

Nama-nama aruah yang terkorban dek aksi merempit , apis, emy, wan, pudin...rata-rata anak Melayu yang sia-sia menggadai nyawa...untuk apa? Untuk di kenang aksi mereka dalam cyberspace dengan kata-kata RIP! RIP? Tak pernah ke kamu dengar...it 's not how you die, but what you die for!? Di mana cinta kamu kepada ibubapa, kepada kekasih, kepada negara, kepada agama untuk diabadikan dengan RIP! Dan kalau analogi di teruskan ke amalan ibadah yang lain, adakah boleh disifatkan kurang ajar kalau ditanyakan bahawa boleh kah kamu berharap untuk berehat dalam aman di sana?

Semurah itu kah nyawa? Pada umur begini, the ball is at your feet...tendanglah ke arah mana yang nak kamu tuju, kenapa jalan begini yang kamu cari?

Pada adik-adik, anak-anak sekelian, hargailah nyawa, isi kan lah jiwa kamu dengan segala yang berfaedah. Jalan ke arah sana masih panjang tapi jangan digadaikan dengan sesuatu keseronokan yang bersifat sementara. Ingatlah bahawa setiap kita di beri modal oleh Allah iaitu MASA, dan bila tiba detiknya, tidak akan dipercepatkan ataupun dilambatkan walaupun sesaat.

Al Ankabut (The Spider) Surah 29 Ayat 64 cites:

What is the life of this world but amusement and play? but verily the
Home in the Hereafter,- that is life indeed, if they but knew.

Tafseer by Abdullah Yusuf Ali

AN ETERNITY IS A LONG TIME TO SPEND IN REGRET!

The original unsung hero(ine)

2009-08-27T16:01:00.015+08:00

It was school holidays again! And mak was planning for us to take a train trip to visit my aunties and uncle in KL. For many nights after hearing the news, I had been having sleepless nights, taut with anticipation of the adventure to come. Maklum lah orang kampong nak pi KL, syoknya tak terkira, walaupun itu bukanlah kali pertama

The day finally arrived. Our group consisted of Tok Abah (my dear departed, al Fatihah), mak, and her motley crew made up of my brother Man, my sister Ja, my (then) youngest sister Ida and yours truly. Ida must have been about 3 ½- 4 years old then. ( Remember this, as it is an essential part of this story) She was such a baby and was my parents’ favorite.
Maklum lah, budak tu suka menyanyi, tak lah sedap sangat, tapi teramat lah suka mendendangkan lagu bila duduk kat celah mak bapak I kat dalam kereta Datsun 1200 bearing no plate KC1789 tu. Lagipun tak silap I, kereta tu tak der radio, so bila kami naik kereta je, my father would make a gesture as if he’s turning a knob on my sister’s mouth kinda like he’s switching on the radio, and apa lagi! she unashamedly would count that as an invitation to start her dendang sessions.

I have to tell about our luggage! My parents bought it specially for the trip, I think. It was box shaped, about 2 ft by 5 ft (I swear, it was enormous!) and blue in colour with small black specks. My father had written our address very nicely on the luggage `59 Jalan Pajar, Alor Setar, Kedah’. (My father has one of the nicest handwriting I have ever come across, even to this day)(Later, the same bag carried my belongings when I enrolled in a boarding school on top of a small hill in Seremban)

All our clothes were packed tightly into that one luggage as Mak had to carry it single handed, with me, being the eldest at only 10 and not much good for anything, and Tok Abah, even then, was too old. Tok Abah was a lovable grandfather who loved to be on the go somewhere, yet the minute he reached the place, he would be missing home; and I suspect, Mak Tok, though he never said it.

The journey to KL was long. And there were no air conditioned coaches then (if I am not wrong, but even if they had, we could not have afforded it). Sitting by the window with the wind blowing in your face seemed and sounded romantic, but wait until you try it, you will know that your face will end up blackened from the soot produced by the engine.

If you want to reach KL from Alor Setar those days, you had to board the train from Alor Setar bright and early and make a quick change to another train at Bukit Mertajam. In my mind, as a kid,I pictured it as if the railway lines were built starting from both ends and somehow the engineers only found out they missed each other at Bukit Mertajam!

(Does it look like railway tracks or a ladder in a snake and ladder gone wrong?)

This is how Alor Setar looks now and very much how it looked then. 4 decades on and not much addition to the sleepy not so hollow, but I love my town. Did you all know Alor Setar as a city is older than Washington D.C? Yes it is, no kidding! This year it is 274 years old, whereas Washington D.C is only 218 if I am not mistaken.

(View from the top of Menara Telekom, the world's 19th tallest telecom tower...hmmm not bad eh? for a sleepy not so hollow)

(The façade of the station~ how quaint it still is)

(Tracks that carry me down memory lane)

The journey went by quite uneventfully, The highlight of a train ride then was when the train made its way across Tasik Merah, Taiping, Chugging along at low speed right across the lake was really something! And the scenery, SubhanAllah, I could swear there was no other place that looked as beautiful especially if you were to make the journey at dusk.

There were no express train service then, so we passed each little train station /stops, sometimes seemingly right in the middle of nowhere.

Ipoh train station was and is a magnificent piece of architecture, It being the biggest train station north of peninsular, the train normally makes a longer stopover there. There we would have got some refreshments ; kopi O panas in small plastic bags or boiled groundnuts (from Menglembu, doubtlessly) and maybe nasi lemak bungkus. The clanging of the train master’s bells, the cries of the peddlers advertising their wares, the sights, sounds and smell of the station still lives on in my mind.

(Ipoh station-locals call it the Taj Mahal)

Mak woke us up when we reached Rawang, to gather all our belongings as the next stop would be our destination, the (old) KL train station. Ah! What can I say about KL train station that has not already been said or written?

(According to some travelogs, it was built by the British, but the architecture is distinctly Moorish and it is just beautiful)

At the station we were welcomed by my aunts and the children, Norli and Zamri,. Although cousins by birth, the distance apart and the infrequent meetings made for a bashful encounter at first. My aunts, Mak Kakak (Mak’s eldest sister by the same mother, dearly departed, al Fatihah) and Chu Zaiton, (Mak’s adopted sister and cousin) tried to push us kids together, but kids being kids, we got closer on our own accord, after days spent together exploring the grounds of the Army Camp at Padang Tembak, close to Gurney and Keramat. (Ami Noordin, my uncle was an army captain stationed there)

The school holidays passed by with us trudging the grounds and climbing and tumbling the undulating terrain of the camp grounds. Mak Kakak was a fantastic cook, whipping up delicious dishes and cookies. Of course she had to dispense the cookies herself and surreptitiously kept the jar out of sight for fear of everything running out faster than the holidays!

We were joined by another uncle’s children during the days. (Mamu Osman is mak’s elder brother . He was a taxi driver and lived close by in Kg Baru. Nimi, Niza,and Ta were frequent features in Mak Kakak's house.

One very distinct memory was us throwing small pebbles on top of the corrugated zinc roof of the squatter houses built down the slopes. What a pain we must have been, cos there were so many of us, and even if each were to throw one small pebble, imagine the ruckus we made! Every time the people came out scolding we would run away hiding. Then the same would be repeated over and over again, tirelessly,. We had such fun making them angry! The recklessness of youth!

ALL good things must come to an end. It was time for us to make the journey home. School was starting in a couple of days time and we had to make trip back as planned.

No more feeling bashful, tears streamed down at parting time with promises to meet again during Hari Raya. And the journey home went by much as it did when we were traveling to KL, except we were traveling in the opposite direction.

When we reached Nibong Tebal, Mak asked us to gather our things to ensure nothing was left behind. So we busily helped with whatever were stowed in the overhead racks. Just as the train jolted forward, Mak asked, `Ida pi mana?’ Frantically we looked around and she, the little songstress was nowhere on the train!

The train started pushing forward….and she was still missing!

I heard from somewhere down there on the platform, some Apek was crying, `Woi, anak sapa ni!, anak sapa ni!?’ I heard that voice over and over again, GOD bless him. Looking out the window of the now moving train, albeit slowly moving, there she was, in her very short dress, and a hat if I am not mistaken, completely innocent and waving at the train, smiling.

I rushed to the doorway of the coach we were in, and without thinking jumped off the train and in a single swift motion swept her into my arms and jumped back onto the train which was gathering speed!. Luckily I had the practise as a hurdler in school. It must have have taken only 40-50 seconds but it seemed a lifetime in slow motion in my mind.

Mak was unspeakably relieved to have the little songstress safely in her arms. Everybody was speechless at what both she and I did. And thankful, no doubt!

When we reached home, the drama on the platform was the conversation topic for many days, months and recollected faithfully over years to come. Everybody was so busy talking and narrating, but nobody thought of nominating me for the Hang Tuah award. Kalau tak glemer lah aku! Boleh masuk surat kabar.

Well my dear sister, if you are reading this, then we both know who you should idlolise as your lifetime hero(ine). You see, if not for me, you might be staying with some Apek for the rest of your life in Nibong Tebal and singing Long Fan, Long Lau.... instead of Cibidi, bidi, cibidi bang, bang, cibidi bang, bang, cibidi bong bong…nyet,nyet,nyet...

YOU OWE ME BIG TIME SISTA!

Saya bukan Ah Long

2009-08-27T01:26:00.004+08:00

Saya memang along, saya bukan Ah Long dan saya cuma nak tolong!

Can't resist putting this one...he's so cute, just watch.

KAMI BUKAN AH LONG KAMI CUMA NAK TOLONG

Theory of Relativity in relation to Time

2009-08-25T16:55:00.007+08:00

Einstein's famous equation

E = mc²

which showed that the observed independence of the speed of light on the observer's state of motion required fundamental changes to the notion of simultaneity. Consequences of this include the time-space frame of a moving body slowing down and contracting (in the direction of motion) relative to the frame of the observer.
(Sourced from Wiki~ what can I say...I'm gulity of overdependence on wiki)
[Gosh! How did I survive Physics classes?]

Einstein may have been the genius, but Henry van Dyke captured the essence of the concept in these few lines:

Time is too slow for those who wait,

too swift for those who fear,

too long for those who grieve,

too short for those who rejoice,

but for those who love,time is eternity

(So girls, be careful who you love, an eternity is a very long time to be in love with a jerk)

Ayang, you asked me a question on time recently, and I told you I will give my answer in a post, so here it is:

Masa muda sebelum tua

Masa sehat sebelum sakit

Masa senang sebelum miskin

Masa lapang sebelum sempit

Masa hidup sebelum mati

(PS: Ayang, he doesn't know what he's missing!)

Snappy daffodil/ dr jeckyll's ms hyde

2009-08-25T02:19:00.007+08:00

Daffodils...that's what my first take of the test revealed about me, myself, moi.

Me, the Daffodil

You have a sunny disposition and are normally one of the first to show up for the party. You don't need too much attention from the host once you get there as you are more than capable of making yourself seen and heard

I took the test again after cik ja said she took it and she's a snapdragon. Wow! sure sounds scary eh, a snapdragon!

Guess what? This time I am a snapdragon~ did I lie then or did I just lie?

Me, Cik Ja, the Snapdragons

"Mischief is your middle name, but your first is friend. You are quite the prankster that loves to make other people laugh."

Well cik ja,I can now safely conclude that you are not adopted and that we are truly sisters.

In all my gardening years, I've never had a snapdragon that had a daffodil as a sister or vice versa.
And so I've decided, we must be snappy daffodils or I am Dr Jeckyll, and YOU MUST BE MS HYDE!

Memories of Ramadhan past, hopes for Ramadhan to come

2009-08-25T01:19:00.007+08:00

I've been under the weather of late. I have been wanting to log in an entry since the eve of Ramadhan but the alternate hot and rainy days played havoc on my system. The long subdued asthma started to act up and it took a few days of consistent medicating to get it under control.

It is the third day of fasting and today it happened! Tidor lambat sebab nak tengok `The Astronaut's Wife' menyebabkan sahur pun terbabas! Nasib baik petang tadi, we managed to get free bubur lambuk from the mesjid...so that became our sahur. I better make sure this entry is finished soon, cos if I'm late again for sahur, I don't think big boss is going to be so kind as this morning. `tak pa lah...kita makan apa yang ada lah...he said when I woke him up at 5.30 this morning.

Ramadhan is a blessed month. For as long as I can recall the days were for fasting and during the nights, my father would Imam the 20 rakaat Tarawikh and 3 rakaat Witir. As a kid, I used to feel intimidated by the sheer thought of performing 23 rakaats of prayers. Later on in life, living away from home for much of my young adult life, I opted to continue with the ibadah. I came to value and appreciate the strength and will to push myself to the limit. Nothing equals the feeling of celebrating Raya when you have sincerely performed your fast every day and topped it with Tarawikh and Witir every night. Lately my mission has also been to khatam the Al Quran at least once during Ramadhan and round it up with the 6 days of fast in Syawal. InsyaAllah, I hope this year I will be blessed to carry it through.

Ayang used to tag along when I perform my Tarawikh at the nearby madrasah. As a young kid of 3 or 4, she would not miss it for the world, struggling to keep pace with me as we take the short walk every night as soon as the Mu`azzin calls for Isya' prayers. I would bring along a small pillow, her favorite story or coloring book and a bottle of milk. There, while we prayed, she would roll and suckled on her bottle of milk. Most nights she would be fast asleep by the time we were at 8 or 10 rakaats. I so wanted her to experience the whole works.

Years later, when her cousins were old enough to join us, they did. By then, everybody would put on their telekung and performed at least 8 rakaat. It was so exciting for them, to feel part of the crowd, to feel they are big enough to join the adults.

Ayang was back home for her mid semester break recently. She told me that she was not feeling well and that she'd skipped the Tarawikh that night. It was to be the first Tarawikh of the year.

Yet there she was. As she sat beside me while we waited for the Imam to start the prayers, my heart welled up with pride and doa that this young adult beside me understands and appreciate what I have tried to instill in her all those nights a long time ago, that she will continue with it long after I am gone and that she will do the same for her children, insyaAllah.

Gentle, melting eyes

2009-08-16T00:49:00.005+08:00

Kak Nab and Che Mat Yahya our neighbors down the road held a wedding reception for their firstborn Aizad and new DIL Laila. It was held at Regency Alor Setar.

As far as wedding goes, this was a wedding with a difference... The wedding emcee sang along with the songs being played over the air! He practically committed murder!

Seems that the songs were selected by the groom himself, but I suspect the groom's mother had a lot to do with it...well wouldn't you agree since the groom is only 27 but the songs played were by Bee Gees, The Platters, Morris Albert and the likes. But the songs set the mood very nicely..it was after all, a wedding reception.

The groom seemed a painfully shy young man but who was determined to give his bride something to remember of their wedding, so when the emcee announced that they wanted the newly weds to take their first dance as a married couple, he pulled his wife tight, looked into her eyes, and whispered 'I Love you' and danced oblivious to all watching them. The song was Only You.

I whispered to my daughter sitting beside me...he loves her more than she him. It was obvious in the way he held her and in his gentle, melting eyes.

Lucky bride...I thought to myself. Good for her if my observation was right, cos the road ahead is narrow and long, and a woman needs a loving man by her side, always. Something all long married women would agree..hmmm?

Good luck to the new married couple, and don't let the pressure of your jobs get in the way of your love for each other. (Both are air traffic controllers with DCA and stationed in Kuching. Oh boy! talk about highly stressful jobs!) Maintain your sense of humour always as sometimes that is the only thing that keeps your heart from breaking.

Thanks to K Nab who rekindled my friendship with her younger sister Leha. We were the best of buddies, partners in crime in standard 6 and only her asthma kept us apart when it stopped her from joining me in TKC.

PS Bruce, mommy will get you a top hat and glasses just like that pic when you marry...

WORDS

2009-08-15T01:40:00.005+08:00

Recently something happened which got me wondering about the impact of carelessly chosen words on the feelings of others.

Sometimes, although we try our best to say things clearly and carefully choose our words, they still end up hurting the feelings of people around. What more when words are carelessly spoken.

In our conviction that we are on the right track, we trample upon the sensitivities of others, at times, unintentionally and at others, knowingly, deliberately. Unkind words tumble out of our mouths. These are times we forget that there are two sides to a coin. Wisdom is to recognise these moments and agree to disagree.

It is difficult to admit it when this happens. Should the perpetrator apologize or simply dismiss the idea of apologizing as preposterous?

Never underestimate the power of words.
Say the word and heal/bridge the divide.

LIFE IS TOO SHORT!

Love story meets viva la vida

2009-08-08T22:31:00.010+08:00

Enjoy the music...

Just like Rhett Butler's unforgettable one-liner in Gone with the wind:

Frankly my dear, I don't give a damn

Love Story had it's famous line too:

'LOVE MEANS NEVER HAVING TO SAY YOU'RE SORRY'
(Anybody above forty would have said this line at least once in his/ her lifetime)
( Well I did, a couple of times actually....)

(extracted from Wiki)

QUOTE

Two lines from the film have entered popular culture:

What can you say about a twenty-five year old girl who died? That she was beautiful and brilliant. That she loved Mozart and Bach. The Beatles. And me.

The first line in the film, which summarizes the story.

Love means never having to say you're sorry.

Spoken twice in the film; once by Jennifer when Oliver is about to apologize to her for his anger. It is also spoken by Oliver to his father when his father says "I'm sorry" after hearing of Jennifer's death.

The quote made it to #13 onto the American Film Institute's AFI's 100 Years ... 100 Movie Quotes, a list of top movie quotes.

The 1972 comedy What's Up, Doc?, which stars O'Neal, mocks this trademark line. At the end of that film, when Barbra Streisand's character coos "Love means never having to say you're sorry" while batting her eyelashes, O'Neal's character responds with the line: "That's the dumbest thing I ever heard."

UNQUOTE

Huh? So much for my memory of georgeous Ryan O'Neal as Oliver Barrett the IV!

The old house at Titi Siam 1

2009-08-06T01:08:00.015+08:00

There was this old wooden house in Lorong Titi Siam. It stood on stilts and had long picture windows with stained glass. The windows were all around the front portion of the house, otherwise known as the living room. It was a typical Malay wooden house,painted with oil (cat minyak), the house elongated to the back evidencing additional rooms that were added as the family grew.

I grew up in that house, along with two teenaged aunties (Makcik and Chu), an uncle (Teh), an older cousin (Abg Mansor) and a pair of loving grandparents (Maktok and Tok Abah). Sometimes my younger brother would be there too when Tok Langgar who took care of him had some other place to go.

My earliest memories was the smell of the coffee beans being roasted, sounds of the occasional bickering among the siblings, smell of grandma's cooking and smell of her kain batik when she opens her wardrobe.

There was a lesung kaki/ hindik , a simple contraption of a leg pounder used to separate the paddy husks from rice grain. It was located on the ground below the living room. I could never understand why the two aunties found it tiresome, I enjoyed the thing tremendously going up and down, BOOM BOOM BOOM! (Teh was forever MIA from all household chores as he was the Kolej's star sepak takraw player and was always away somewhere. He was also busy keeping up to his reputation as the local romeo)

(That is not Teh, Abg Mansor or my younger brother. The hindik we had was much bigger and longer. It has long gone and the pic was kidnapped from the net)

(Here's how it looks close up. I would climb and sit astride the long wooden pole when someone was doing the pounding..feels like riding a horse!)

Grandma was the best cook in the world. Early mornings would find us tucking into her home made kuih. Some days it would be kuih cara made in her buah' ceghemai' brass mould, on other days lepat pisang, seri muka, kuih lapis and the list goes on. Any kuih she made, would all be divided up equally between us in small plates, so that nobody would have to protest of getting less than the other person.

(I salivate just looking at the pics, and my heart feels heavy with memories of maktok preparing all these for us)

Sometimes it would be nasi goreng; a tasteful fried rice kampong style, where she would finish up all the leftover from previous days dishes.

But her best breakfast treat would be roti canai, yes..home made roti canai. The crispiness of the outside hides very soft layers inside!

It was where my brother, a sister and I were born. A small river ran in front of the property. In those days it was wide and deep enough for a small sampan to pass, peddling fresh kepah (a type of shellfish) that taste great in a curry.

Living near a river, albeit a small one, had its own story. Those days, I recall that there was talk of hantu ayaq (Kedah dialect for Hantu Air or water Ghost). But that story would have to be continued.

For the meantime here are the faces etched lovingly and forever in my memory. Al Fatihah to my long gone grandparents, but never far from my heart.

(The year was circa 1963, seated from left my mum with younger brother on her lap, Tok Abah, yours truly with very little hair on her head, Mak tok, Abg Mansor, Chu.
Standing from left is makcik and Teh. We were sitting in a typical yester years pose in front of the house at Titi Siam)

A TIMELY REMINDER TO SELF

2009-08-02T02:57:00.005+08:00

News of sickness, especially sickness which carry the penalty of imminent death strikes to the core of your being.

Be it a stranger, more so of a loved one, your first reaction would be to deny the reality. Try as you may, to push it away, it just wouldn't budge.

But think of it...knowledge of sickness actually empowers you to draw strength from the well deep within. Somehow, time is such a luxury, every breath is a gift from GOD as it should be, and nothing...nothing you wouldn't give to bring back yesterday when you didn't know and it's all okay. But time, past will not return.

Al `Asr (Time) Surah 103

In the name of Allah, the Beneficent, the Merciful
Time is witness that, surely, mankind suffers loss,
except for those of faith,
Who do good, and become a model of truthful living,
and together practice patience and constancy.

All these may propel you forward..to become a solihin or push you to the brink of despair.

In Yusuf Ali's translation of the Holy Quran Al Baqarah (2:286)

On no soul doth God Place a burden greater than it can bear. It gets every good that it earns, and it suffers every ill that it earns. (Pray:) "Our Lord! Condemn us not if we forget or fall into error; our Lord! Lay not on us a burden Like that which Thou didst lay on those before us; Our Lord! Lay not on us a burden greater than we have strength to bear. Blot out our sins, and grant us forgiveness. Have mercy on us. Thou art our Protector; Help us against those who stand against faith."

HAVE FAITH...AND PRAY. WHILE THERE IS LIFE, THERE IS HOPE

Some like it RICH!

2009-07-29T03:53:00.005+08:00

Location : USM student wellness center

Scenario : The freshie (Ayang) was filling up the necessary forms to get her medical check up done. She had to sms her mom (that's me) to find out something.

Ayang: Mom, do you know if I am allergic to anything?

Mom : As far as I know, there's only one thing you are allergic to; that's being BROKE!

Ayang : Huh! very funny!

Well, nobody else has a T shirt which reads like this:

SOME THINGS ARE BETTER RICH;

CHOCOLATE

AND

MEN

PARADOX

2009-07-28T17:51:00.000+08:00

This message was sent by a friend. I thought it is so beautiful and so honest, it had to be shared.

The paradox of our time in history is that we have taller buildings but shorter tempers, wider freeways,but narrower viewpoints.. We spend more, but have less, we buy more, but enjoy less. We have bigger houses and smaller families, more conveniences, but less time. We have more degrees but less sense, more knowledge, but less judgment, more experts, yet more problems, more medicine, but less wellness.

We drink too much, smoke too much, spend too recklessly, laugh too little, drive too fast, get too angry, stay up too late, get up too tired, read too little, watch TV too much, and pray too seldom.

We have multiplied our possessions, but reduced our values. We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often.

We've learned how to make a living, but not a life. We've added years to life not life to years. We've been all the way to the moon and back, but have trouble crossing the street to meet a new neighbor. We conquered outer space but not inner space. We've done larger things, but not better things.

We've cleaned up the air, but polluted the soul. We've conquered the atom, but not our prejudice. We write more, but learn less. We plan more, but accomplish less. We've learned to rush, but not to wait. We build more computers to hold more information, to produce more copies than ever, but we communicate less and less.

These are the times of fast foods and slow digestion, big men and small character, steep profits and shallow relationships. These are the days of two incomes but more divorce, fancier houses, but broken homes.. These are days of quick trips, disposable diapers, throwaway morality, one night stands, overweight bodies, and pills that do everything from cheer, to quiet, to kill. It is a time when there is much in the showroom window and nothing in the stockroom. A time when technology can bring this letter to you, and a time when you can choose either to share this insight, or to just hit delete...

Remember; spend some time with your loved ones, because they are not going to be around forever.

Remember, say a kind word to someone who looks up to you in awe, because that little person soon will grow up and leave your side.

Remember, to give a warm hug to the one next to you, because that is the only treasure you can give with your heart and it doesn't cost a cent.

Remember, to say, 'I love you' to your partner and your loved ones, but most of all mean it. A kiss and an embrace will mend hurt when it comes from deep inside of you.

Remember to hold hands and cherish the moment for someday that person will not be there again.

Give time to love, give time to speak! And give time to share precious thoughts in your mind.

AND ALWAYS REMEMBER:

Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.

George Carlin

(George was a comedian in the 70's and 80's. Don't you all agree for a comedian, what he said made a lot of sense?)

2009-07-22T23:08:00.004+08:00

Biar Total eclipse of the sun, not total eclipse of the heart

Wed July 22, 2009 the earth experienced what is to be the longest total solar eclipse of the century. The eclipse is the longest since July 11, 1991, when a total eclipse lasting 6 minutes, 53 seconds was visible from Hawaii to South America. There will not be a longer eclipse until 2132, whereby without doubt will not be witnessed by us.

Starting off in India just after dawn, the eclipse was visible across a wide swath of the Asian continent before moving over southern Japan and then off into the Pacific Ocean.

The celestial event was met by a mixture of awe, excitement and fear. The daytime darkness prompted fireworks displays in China and sent bewildered cows to their feeding troughs for dinner on a remote Japanese island. Thousands of Hindus took to the waters to cleanse their sins. The eclipse was seen there for 3 minutes and 48 seconds. Others in India, though, were gripped by fear and refused to come outdoors. In Hindu mythology, an eclipse is caused when a dragon-demon swallows the sun, while another myth is that sun rays during an eclipse can harm unborn children.

(Excerpts extracted from yahoo)

He it is Who made the sun a radiance, that is, emitting light, and the moon a light, and determined it, with respect to its movement, in stations: 28 stations in 28 nights every month, becoming concealed for two nights when a particular month has 30 days, or [concealed] for one night, when it has 29 days, so that you might know, thereby, the number of the years and the reckoning. God did not create that, which is mentioned, save in truth, not in vain, exalted be He above such things. He details (read yufassilu or nufassilu, ‘We detail’) the signs for a people who know, who reflect.

Truly in the alternation of night and day, in [their] coming and going, increasing and diminishing, and [in] what God has created in the heavens, of angels, sun, moon, stars and other things, and, in, the earth, of animals, mountains, seas, rivers, trees, and other things, there are signs, indications of His power, exalted be He, for a people who fear, Him, and so believe: He singles these out for mention because they are the ones to benefit from them [such signs].

Tafsir Yunus 5-6

And among His signs are the night and the day, and the sun and the moon. Do not prostrate to the sun and moon, but prostrate to God Who created them, namely, these fours signs, if it is Him Whom you worship.

Tafsir Al Fussilat 37

Masjid Al-Bukhary Solat Sunat Khusufin

1 saf jemaah lelaki dan 1 saf jemaah perempuan antara yang dilimpahi rahmat menunaikan solat sunat gerhana yang merupakan sunat Mu`akad.

A birthday prayer/ a personal odyssey 1

2009-07-20T23:38:00.000+08:00

Yesterday was my birthday.

Pukul 9 pagi, bermula misi ku untuk membuat sesuatu yang bermakna untuk hari besar ku. Walaupun rasa malas bergerak meruntun di hati, aku paksa juga kaki ini untuk melangkah ke situ.

Sheikh Zainul `Asri tiba selangkah awal dari aku. Seorang sheikh muda, ulama Hadith yang bibirnya sentiasa basah dengan selawat keatas junjungan besar Nabi Muhammad saw. Setelah mengambil tempat, beliau memanjat doa-doa memulakan pengajian beserta Al Fatihah untuk penulis kitab, bermula lah suatu pencarian.

Ilmu Tasauf yang ingin ku tinjau bukanlah sesuatu yang mudah. Ilmu untuk berjalan menuju Allah, menyusuri jalan orang-orang yang `Ariffin, orang yang kenal diri dan kenal Tuhan mereka, orang-orang yang berjaya keluar dari kegelapan.

Ibrahim Adham, Ibn Umar, Umar Abdul Aziz , Sheikh Abdul Qadir Jailani ulama' muktabar dan auliya' yang ketika nama-nama mereka disebut, kata Ustaz, turun rahmat mencurah, dan berdoa ketika itu besar kemungkinan dimaqbulkan Tuhan, insyaAllah.

Ibrahim Adham yang ketika ditanya seseorang, bagaimankah untuk mengenali seseorang itu auliya' maka di tunjuknya Jabal Qubais sambil berkata, tanda seorang auliya' seumpama bila disuruh bukit itu beredar maka, ia akan menurut kata, dan serentak dengan itu bukit itu pun bergegar sehingga beliau berkata berhenti, membuktikan bahawa beliau sememangnya seorang auliya' dan betapa maqbulnya cakap seorang auliya'.

Has there been a day in your life when , after washing three full loads of laundry, the day that started promising a sunshiny day suddenly turned cloudy and you mutter under your breath, `Awat ni, tiba-tiba pula jadi gelap langit ni? Bila baju ni nak kering?' Has it ever occurred to you that the day, the sun, the clouds, the earth, your life, you belong to al Qaliq? That you have no say, no right to complain, save to pray to God that in His Benevolence you shall be kept safe, alive, able to offer your submission to His divine will for yet another day? How small we are, how insignificant and how bloody arrogant of us to think that we have the right to complain?

Setiap insan dilahirkan ke dunia dengan beberapa perkara yang memang telah ditetapkan, antaranya umur dan rezeki. Tapi manusia di sibukkan oleh urusan dunia dalam mencari rezeki yang mana semua itu memang telah dijanjikan sehingga terlupa perkara yang tidak ditetapkan, iman dan taqwa.

Aduh, berkali-kali aku diingatkan dalam benak ku tentang solat yang ku tinggalkan semasa aku sibuk, solat yang ditinggalkan kerana aku letih, solat yang ditinggalkan sebab bershopping, tengok wayang...Ya Allah! Ya Rahman Ya Rahim! Aku bermohon belas ihsan dari sifat Rahim mu, sentiasa lah pelihara aku dalam keadaan beringat kepada MU. Jadikanlah aku hamba yang ikhlas berabdi diri kepada mu.

Sebagai manusia kita akan kenal Allah hanya bila Allah mencampakkan rahmat ke dalam hati kita. Di waktu kita mengingati Allah, di waktu itulah Allah juga mengingati kita, jadi kita mesti sentiasa berdoa supaya Allah ingat kepada kita. (Walaupun lupa adalah sifat mustahil bagi Allah)

Di penghujung kuliah Sheikh Zainul `Asri berpesan:

1) Seboleh yang mungkin, ikhtiarkan solat berjama`ah
2) Solat hendaklah di awal waktu
3) Amalkan solat sunat Ba'diah, Qabliyah, Witir , Dhuha
4) Qodho' semua solat yang telah tertinggal
5) Usahakan solat Awwabin antara Maghrib dan `Isya' kerana solat ini menjaga iman
6) Solat Tahajjud setiap malam jangan tinggal 2 raka`at di waktu malas, dan 12 rakaat ketika rajin
7) Solat Tasbih sekurangnya sekurang nya seminggu sekali, sebaiknya setiap hari
8)Selawat ke atas Nabi 1000x sehari semalam
8) Jangan tinggal membaca Quran dalam sehari walaupun sikit.

As I walked away from the kuliyah, I promised myself that if the above is what i have to do, then it is what I will have to do. How else am I going to progress from where I am now, Ahlul Insan to get to ahlul Iman and ahlul Ikhsan?

My birthday has gone by very well...

Thank you GOD, subhanALLAH, walhamduliLLAH, walailahaillALLAH, wALLAHuakbar!

MATI ILMU SEBAB TAK AMAL

MATI AMAL SEBAB TAK IKHLAS

A belated first schoolday experience

2009-07-17T15:28:00.000+08:00

The first day at Children Corner (Chicorner as she used to call it), Mrs Lian greeted us and showed which class she was to be in. I specifically took a leave of absence in order to be there just to be on hand in case she needed her mummy. But she fitted right in, surrounded by her new found friends, while us anxious parents stood by watching. And she shooed me away! She told me not to embarrass her by hanging around, and that she was big enough to take care of herself.

On the first day of primary school, the day went by uneventfully for me. No wailing, no tugging, no crying, no...none of those experience for me. No such memories to tease her with, throughout her growing years. She loved afternoon school as she is such a midnight owl...and everything was smooth sailing until year 6. At one stage she was transferred to 15 different places in her class to contain her `chatterboxness'.

The same could not be said for her first day at boarding school. Although excited at the prospect of being away from mummy's instructions (aka nagging), she stood forlorn while waving us goodbye. That was to be the first of many many many trips to her school sometimes during mid week, normally for some kind of emergency requests...forgot this forgot that....After one full year, we both knew the best place for her was right here where the heart is~at home!

It was the same routine once she checked into her Matric College. Up and down the North South hiway, paid lots and lots of toll, made Samy Value very very happy. Finished that, and there was 2 months break before varsity opens. She was very much in her elements, enjoying her time at home, in her bedroom, finishing up yet another scrap book.

But really dear, if you could only see your face on registration at the varsity yesterday...I wanted to laugh but I didn't want to, not in front of you. That was the face I waited to see on your first day at kindy, first at primary not first at varsity.

My lil girl whose affectionate name is Lily is all grown up! You are about to embark on a new chapter, be happy! I'm happy for you! I miss having you, but I'm happy for you. Mummy's not going anywhere...I'll be here for all your weekend visits, short and long holidays, so go study and enjoy yourself. This is the first of many more happy days to come.

I love you girl and my doa for you is always yang terbaik dunia dan akhirat.

My husband's a maniac!

2009-07-14T09:14:00.001+08:00

A chessmaniac! That's what he was, is now, and I'm quite convinced, forever will be.

Ever since he knows how to log on the chessmaniac website, I have not been able to wrest him away from the PC whereas he is what the malay proverb describe in si kudung mendapat cincin (literally translated like the fingerless given a ring) when it comes to PC, despite my best teaching efforts. And now suddenly, he's all computer savvy.

About 3 years ago, the same thing happened. I took pity when all he could manage on the PC was to play solitaire, so I registered him as a chessmaniac. He was all excited when he could pit his chess prowess against some unknown fellow chessmaniac halfway across the world and kept rising in rank and rating that nothing could have moved him, not even an earthquake. So I did what any good wife would~ take away the evil temptation! No, I didn't throw the PC down the river....I changed his log in password. And the poor guy couldn't for the life of him figure out what went wrong.

Hmm....I got to figure out a new trick this time around before he makes a cavity in the floor where he sits for hours on end. I think I may just learn enough chess to beat him at his favourite game. Or better still, sabotage all his moves when he's not around...after all, wasn't chess invented by women?

Watch Mo Amer...he agrees...

Bruce ku sakit!

2009-07-10T20:00:00.000+08:00

Sedih, sedih, sedih!

Bruce sakit and terpaksa di admit ke animal clinic Dr Ravi kat Pumpong. Dah 2-3 hari dia sakit telinga. Last week dia sakit mulut, mulut dia jadi macam angelina jolie's famous pout. The people at the Jabatan Veterinar kata dia sakit hati la, badan panas la, stress la.

Dr Ravi periksa telinga dia guna camera. It seems that he has a very bad ear infection (padahal dah berkali-kali diperiksa oleh Jabatan Veterinar dan telinga dia dibersihkan...I'm wondering whether telinga dia terluka sebab depa kasar masa bersihkan telinga dia! tapi...takkan nak kata kan, kan, kan?)

So Bruce has to spend the night and probably the next few nights at the clinic. Duit satu hal, one night lodging costs RM35, almost equivalent to a nights stay at a non rated motel in a small town, apart from costs of his medication. More than money, it's his presence that I miss. It's been days since he showed his gluttony appetite.

But anything for Bruce, just get well...and soon. Mommy misses you!

(Dah lah kak ayang dah nak pi USM...Bruce pulak kat klinik...sunyi la!)

The changing times

2009-07-07T10:13:00.000+08:00

As a kid way back in primary school, we used to have a singing class! Believe it or not! But people who were there in St Nicholas around late 60's and 70's would remember the class being taken up by none other than the headmistress herself, the one feared by all pupils~ Ms Sibert (she passed away recently- God bless her soul), besides the `Poems to Enjoy' class (mentioned in Naz's post {Serenity Now} sometime back) (Try as i might, I can't recall any poems I tried so hard to memorize in those days save for a short excerpt of...a silver nutmeg on a silver tree...or something to that effect)

Anyway back to the main story, remember the song My Grandfather's Clock? I found the song on U tube...I may be just another makcik blogger but I love all things old and new.

Ms Sibert would rise in her grave if she hears how the song has been re-invented and re-engineered...but I just love it don't you? Have a listen...

the smiling cat owner

2009-07-07T08:49:00.000+08:00

I spent the last few days running around after Bruce trying to make him swallow his pills.

Bruce was not well, the vet said he may have a serious liver ailment, evidenced by a blackish gooey substance deposited around his nostril and mouth. He prescribed a liver tonic, piriton to help de-stress Bruce and a round of antibiotics. Do cats really get stressed out? I almost wondered out loud but didn't want to antagonize the vet who was giving his best opinion. But Bruce was gaining weight nicely, at 6 months he's weighing in at 2.975 kg. Whatever, I took him home and vowed to make sure he gets all the rest and medication he needed.

But Bruce had other things on his mind...he made me run more than I had done so in the last 6 months of my life. He wasn't taking it sitting down! He fought and twisted and turned his head until it was almost impossible to hold onto him without breaking his leg or his neck in the process.

Well, i thought...as intelligent as he is...I am going to fool him if it's the last thing I do.

So after the first two days, he's been such an angel, and has been swallowing his pills without any protest, all nicely embedded in chunks of tuna dished out to him.

Oh Bruce! Who's having the last laugh now?

(Sorry guys, since the owner prefers to remain incognito, all you get to see is an image of the smiling cat~not the cat owner, and since i couldn't get Bruce to pose nicely, this one is from the net)

Ayang and her veiled dreams

2009-06-28T15:13:00.001+08:00

(ayang and her friends during a farewell outing~Muzium Padi)

My darling daughter was supposed to be registered today at UKM, yet she's here at home. Her reason~ she does not want to do the course she's offered i.e Sarjana Muda Teknologi Maklumat (Sistem Cerdas) That's a whole mouthful eh? I would really appreciate an explanation on what THAT is, but it would be too late for my daughter and I.

She had applied to do a science course, in line with her dreams and what she studied for a year at Matriculation college. Somewhere some smart fool has decided that she's to be diverted to an alien course.

Ah..Ayang...what is it with dreams that we have to hold on tight to it even though we have to weather the storm? It 's so that you'll live a life without regrets, travel the road seldom taken if it will bring you closer to your desires.

For you, the world is waiting...take your time when making choices in life...never hurry and decide when you are not ready.

( Why don't you just take my word for it....you don't have to be a doctor...just marry one!)

the cat lady

2009-06-16T14:08:00.000+08:00

Isn't it funny for someone who professes her preference for friends of the furry kind rather than her homo sapien buddies, to never write any post in her blog about her love? Don't get me wrong..i don't have anything against human. Many are good or has good intentions. It is the few that gets to you. But cats! Ah!...something about their need for you, the longing in their eyes...they never back stab, never talk bad/ back,

Throughout my growing up years I've always had cats around. We are not talking about the occasional stray who stays but those which could call my home their home too i.e if they could talk instead of meow. Truth be told, the statistics would show that I have done my part as a cat lover. I have fed, treated them for various cuts and ailments and had even assisted a tabby which had a difficult delivery. The tiny but very dead kitten was hanging from the mother in a breech birth. And so I did what any self respecting cat lover would~put a rubber glove on and pulled out the critter.

What is it with helping these God's creations that make you feel good? Doesn't generate money or publicity. makes it difficult for you to travel on holidays (nobody wants to take care of them while you are away) sometimes you have to clean their mess, they scratch your favorite furniture, make strings out of rugs, knock into your favorite vase, dig into your flower beds. Seems like they are more nuisance eh? But wait until this frisky fur ball snuggles up to you on a rainy day or a cold morning, purring like a motor boat, or spread out on it's back fast asleep on the cold marble floor on a hot day. It does something to your heart, makes it feel all warm and fuzzy inside.

Curiosity kills the cat. Curiosity makes them cross the street just as a car speeds up, which make them the biggest number in road kill. They are supposed to have nine lives, but it doesn't save them when the need arises. They are so vulnerable with their soft cuddly bodies, so you morons out there! Just give the cat a break when you see it trying to cross the street!

Which brings me the the current male in my life~ BRUCE. Bruce omnipresent, forever hungry (he's almost as fat as I think Garfield would be at his age, he's all of 6 months). Somehow he manages to get everyone in the house to feed him his favorite food eventhough he had just had his fill. Bruce who despite being a cat would shame any puppy in a throw and fetch game. Bruce who sleeps sometimes in a tight ball, other times flat on his back (he's a shameless flasher!) and sometimes in muscle twisting Travolta pose.

Share with me my love....

The passage of time

2009-06-15T11:59:00.000+08:00

Too long...that's what it has been since my last posting. In the blink of an eye, almost a year has passed since my last posting. The prodigal daughter i wrote about in my first posting has actually completed her matriculation and is embarking on a new era of her tertiary education, that of the ivory tower. As a mother, a mixed feeling of apprehension, pride and hope greets me at the prospect of her leaving the nest again after her two months break. This time she will take her steps into the pseudo adult world, living and coping with all the trials and tribulations of an independent life albeit in a small community of peers and lecturers in campus.

Good luck ayang! Mama selalu doakan kebaikan dunia akhirat untuk ayang. I have tried to teach and prepare you the best way i know how, although I am hardly perfect myself (I know you would agree wholeheartedly cos I can almost see you rolling your eyes everytime you think I make an unkind remark about maktok, but you will come to understand, mothers and daughters are like that...can't stand them when they are around and miss them like crazy when they aren't)

REMEMBER , mum's here...tell me whatever you want and know that I will still love you, unconditionally.

about winning battles but losing the war

2008-07-23T10:36:00.000+08:00

Recently, i try to reach out to kak chik who is despondent after her husband ordered her prized plant trimmed down mercilessly. What? Yeah! exactly my feeling when i was told of the reason for her lethargic and absolutely-no-mood demeanour.

She has been bragging about the `ganda rusa' in her blog. It grew lush and healthy at the foot of her stone seat in the garden. The last time, I remember making a remark that she ought to get it trimmed down cos some creepy crawlie could raise a family there without being detected. She kind of agreed, albeit reluctantly, cos it seemed that that was about the only plant she grew better than i did. I know she meant to trim it down but had never expected that it was to be so severely ravaged. A similar comparison would be like giving the lion king a crew cut!

Still, sis...a plant would grow back...perhaps even more lush than you remember. As with all things in life, new life is breathed into when the old parts are done away with. And i pointed out to her that if she were to look closely, she would see that new shoots are already sprouting, promising a rebirth of the ganda rusa she loved so much.

But what might not heal, is all the hurtful things we say and do when we are angry. All she wants was an apology from the better half, which as we all know, is like waiting for the fruit that will never drop (A literal translation of a Malay proverb~menunggu buah yang tak gugur) I am afraid that the damage would have been done in their relationship by the time all the anger and disappointment seeped away.

Is it worth getting the apology but losing the relationship? The only way the heart heals is when it learns to forgive.

apa dah jadi?

2008-05-24T23:21:00.000+08:00

Hari Jumaat, penghulu segala hari. Hari yang di anugerah kepada umat Nabi Muhammad saw. untuk menambah ibadah sebagai bekalan di sana nanti. Malah juga di anugerahkan sesaat di mana segala doa dan munajat akan di perkenankan yang Maha Esa. Niat di hati,nak lewatkan sedikit solat Isya’, tidur sekejap, bangun nanti, boleh solat Tahajjud sekali. Niatnya murni sekali, pahala mesti dicari, dosa mesti dihindari.

Tapi telinga ku telah dikencing syaitan!

Terjaga saja…kenapa terang sangat malam ni eh? Check aje jam, MasyaALLAH! Jangankan Tahajjud, malah Subuh pun aku dah tersasar! Dah 7.20 pagi!

Sememangnya, sejak dua minggu ni aku ditinggalkan seorang di rumah (ayang ke kolej, pa dia ke Mekah menunaikan Umrah) susah aku melelapkan mata… which is the main motivating factor for starting this blog) So agaknya segala kepenatan dan ke`tidak tiduran’ selama dua minggu tu berkumpul and everything culminated in one the most deep sleep I ever experienced. Too bad it all happened on the one night which I was waiting for all week. In fact, it should not have happened on any night at all.

So, the guilty conscience prevailed the whole day. Nothing I did all day seemed to make me feel alright.

Ya Allah Ya Rahman Ya Rahim...pelihara lah diri hamba mu ini dari terjerumus ke arah bisikan syaitan mahupun kelesuan di sebabkan nafsu. Aku berlindung dari segala fitnah dunia, fitnah mati, siksa kubur dan fitnah Dajjal alMasih.

(Ayang, you decided to skip coming home this weekend and I'm happy to hear that you seem to be settling in nicely~ hope you have a fruitful time and I hope to visit you tomorrow)

the constant gardener

2008-05-22T12:50:00.000+08:00

The Constant Gardener was a really moving story starring Ralph Fiennes and Rachel Weisz. What is it with Ralph Fiennes that really intrigue me? He has a knack for choosing movies which move you..remember The English Patient;? Ralph and Juliette Binoche starred in that one.(Juliette was the heroine in Chocolat, another beautiful movie with my other favorite actor, Johnny Depp)

The Constant Gardener ~ deals with heavy stuff the world is facing. Pharmaceutical companies and their underhanded tactics of illicit drug testing in third world countries; human stories which tug at your heart strings, and how the human spirit stands up to fight for it's rights when it involves the ones that matter to you. [And of course, the English Patient..i just want to cry...]

I was doing my gardening this morning as usual..which was why I remembered the movie. Although there's hardly any earth-moving story behind my morning activity, these few observations crossed my mind while I was pulling out the weed:

1) you don't need to plant weed~ it'll just grow. The more you let it be, the more it thrives.
2) in complete contrast, plants that you want to grow, you have to sow, nurture, ensure it gets all the required nutrients for it to grow well, still, sometimes despite all your effort it will just die.

What has this observation got to do with us?
My point~ kids are like plants. If we let them be, they'll grow to be just like weed. And the more we let them be, the weed will thrive and it might even choke other plants.
Kids need nurturing, love, attention, sunshine, disciplining (most plants require pruning to maintain shape and encourage new foliage/ flowering) and a whole lot of Doa (there are things beyond our mere mortal control)

Love your kids and nurture them. Pull out the weed.

(Ayang, mama doakan you'll turn out okay...I 've given my best effort and my hope is for you to go out there and remember tugas kita sebagai Khalifah di bumi Allah)

my first post

2008-05-21T17:17:00.000+08:00

What shall i write , what shall it be? My sister is an avid blogger and says that i should start.. Maybe itu cara dia nak bagitau, i leave too many and too long comments in her postings.

We were just talking..my sister and i, about my daughter who has just enrolled for her matriculation course. Anak i ni cakap baju dia tak cukup..she was back for her weekend recently...and dia bagitau..`mama tau tak...budak2 kat situ pakai baju glamour-glamour, some tu berkelip kelap macam mak datin' not in an envious tone..more like terkejut. Saja nak test I tanya dia..~Naper? Ayang nak ke baju macam tu? Of course she said no, thank God. Why are kids nowadays so in a hurry to grow up? Ada banyak masa lagi nak pakai baju macam nak pi kenduri. I'm so glad she share my idea of a teen's dressing..tak payah berkelip-kelip, tak payah tudung yang merambu. Keep it simple and tutup auraat, itu yang penting.

My daughter who in a blink of an eye...has grown up and left the nest. I miss her.